Bumblebee Grace

Pace

2012-01-30T20:30:00.001-05:00

The workout instructions said I would swim 2000 yards.

I'd left the last two workouts of less than that winded and sore, hardly able to carry Sedryn's carseat back to the car.

I took a deep breath and dove in: literally and figuratively.

A little over an hour later I emerge from the pool: I did it.

The pace was found as I kept tempo with the clock.
As I sang worship under the water.
As I endured 2000 yards and most of it interval training.

Interval training.

Maybe that's what life is.
God pours on a trial and I sink or swim.
Faith growing or wavering. Muscles strengthened.
All He asks is that no matter what: I give thanks. I turn to Him with open arms and seek Him. On the sprint yards and the resting yards.

Hearing Bronwyn say "Uh oh! Doll! Naked!"
Sly little look as I tried panties on Bronwyn
Aeralind climbing up carefully to sit on the nursing pillow with brother
Sedryn flashing Bronwyn smiles
Almost 1 mile in the pool after months of vacation
Sore body
Ladies Bible Study back in session
Smiley boy in my lap as I count graces
Dirt on little chees
Warm enough to go to the park in January!
The fun of Hobby Lobby
Finally two 2 hour naps from Sedryn
A sunny spot to cut fabric during naps
Toddlers roaring at each other and laughing
Visit from Andy and her sweet tiny 1 year old Anna who is the same size as Sedryn!
Andy's grace in never mentioning that I had part of Sedryns epic blowout all over my shirt
A meal I didn't have to cook- so generous.
Cheesy biscuit anticipation
Clean baby hair smell
Backyard to play in- even if it is a bit swampy right now
Coffee table finally finished!
Special package mailed to a friend
the fun of the roc box
still looking for perfect beeads
Dirt on new shoes
Brad's Post- We've all walked this path- rejector and rejected. We've all cried these tears.
A little experiement in the works
Two days in a row with adventurous Bronwyn somehow getting her pans sopping wet
Toddlers learning to meaning of heavy and lite.
Talking in "fabric snob" language with Jo from church
Talking with Mandy and Hannah and Lacey
The words "But you have three young children!" So what I needed to hear.
Deciding to go
Giant basket of veggies from the Noisy Rabbit
Getting my tail kicked at the pool.
Surprise at how "fast" I am- even though I have no endurance yet
Tiny fingers cupped softly at my chest
Bronwyn deciding to wear big girl panties and having 2 successes and 1 accident
Sedryn cooing loudly while girls push each other down the slide and I hang laundry in January!

Toddler Activity of the Week: Hobby Lobby

2012-01-30T19:41:00.002-05:00

I know: Hobby Lobby is a store...but for us... it's like a free giant preschool playground.
(Well, it's only free if I leave my purse in the car... otherwise something comes home with us...)

We work on vocabulary. We work on sensory things like: soft/rough and lite/heavy. We run around like banshees and push brother in the cart.

But rather than tell you all about it... I decided I would show you some of the ways the girls learn.
Here's how you can entertain two toddlers at Hobby Lobby for at least an hour and a half!
(Warning... this is pretty video heavy!)

Home-Life Project 52: Week 4

2012-01-29T19:56:00.002-05:00

It appears poor Sedryn got left out this week :(

Mama Loves: Magic Eraser

2012-01-28T10:03:00.000-05:00

My toddlers love crayons, pens, and pencils. Unfortunately, they're not so skilled at keeping their coloring on their paper. My table is often covered with crayon marks.

But it gets better.

Whenever my girls find a writing utensil and are left unsupervised, they will test it on the nearest wall.

A stray blue crayon on my coat closet floor probably from when we moved in: all over my living room walls. Flat paint. Ug....

A little red wax heart from the center of a candle left too close to the counter's edge: all over my kitchen and living room walls. You've got to give them some credit for creative use of objects!

A pencil from who knows where.... all over the playroom wall. You get the idea....

There is one product that can get these and even the worst toddler food stains off your walls and dinner table.

Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser!

Seriously, you need some of these!

One caveat: when your toddlers figure out they can unplug the Christmas tree lights and use the plug ends to draw on the wall... well, Mr. Clean isn't up to that task. When you find something that works... will you let me know?

Year of Action: Sewing for the family

2012-01-25T14:50:00.000-05:00

I try to only buy fabric when I have a project in mind so I don't typically have a fabric stash. However, I do have some random handed down fabrics and old t-shirts to be repurposed. Plus a just bought some with some of my Christmas money from the Derek's parents. So I have a few projects I'd like to do to use it all up!

~~Underwear for the girls.~~ I think we're potty training in February... so I better start cutting up old T Shirts!

~~A Shirred Sundress for our Compassion child Delsys~~ (boo! I finished this and then found out that we can't send anything non-paper through customs. Blah! I guess I need to find a local deserving little girl)

A Snap Wrap Dress for each of the girls (Mandy D... this is totally in your skill level... sewing girls night when you conquer your tension issues?)

Snowman PJ pants for Mommy, ~~Daddy~~, Aeralind, Bronwyn, and Sedryn from a recycled flannel queen sheet set
A top or a romper (depending on how much fabric I have) for the girls inspired by this tutorial

Finish Felt food
Dress up Clothes for their 3rd Birthday present
Tutu or a knock off of this tutu skirt for their 3rd b-day party

A Tablecloth Playhouse or a Ruffled Tent Depending on what linens I can thrift up to make it with.

This bag (or a variation) for my birding husband's Bird book, notebook, and binoculars.

A Toddler Tie or just a Tie Onesie for Sedryn's first birthday

A little Speech

2012-01-24T07:45:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I gave a little speech/testimony at a MOPS banquet about my involvement in the group. (I'll include it at the end of the post.)

I was surprised by two things.

First, the power of words.

People laughed. People cried. People nodded their heads in understanding.

It felt good. Encouraging people with words interwoven with bits of my life.

Second, I might just have a gift I haven't counted.

So many people came up to me afterward and thanked me for sharing, but the last sticks out the most. She was an AP English teacher and she sought me out and told me I had such a unique voice. She told me I ought to be doing more formal writing than just this humble blog. And that I ought to do it now while it's raw.

I wanted to cry.

You see, when I was younger I wanted to be a writer. I filled journals with details of my thoughts. I wrote bad poetry. I wrote two horrible novels before 8th grade. I went to a summer camp for writers. But I couldn't find my story. I couldn't find my voice except on rare occasions. I couldn't put it on paper and I knew it and my teachers told me so. So I stopped writing. Except here.

But maybe my voice just need to mature. To experience. To grow and blossom.

Maybe my voice needed to connect to my life-story. To connect with that raw place without pretense and reach the place where it elevates words to encouragement.

And maybe that's what I ought to be doing. Maybe I ought to jump to action. Or maybe I just ought to think this writing thing over and hear what a different Voice might have to say about it.

My Little MOPS (Mom's of Preschoolers) Banquet Testimony

As I sitoutside to write this little blurb with my snot nosed twin daughters playing inthe back yard, my infant son inside the house just in earshot, and all four ofus still in pajamas, it occurs to me that maybe there would be better people tospeak to you tonight: women whose house is clean, whose kids are dressed beforenoon, and whose two year olds are fluent in at least three languages. Or at least a woman who isn’t writing thiswhile one of her kids has dirt hanging from her snotty nose. But maybe that I was asked to speak preciselybecause I am in the thick of life with preschoolers and I don’t mince words.

I’m prettyhonest about how hard this raising little people is so, without hesitation,I’ll tell you that when Mandy Deming first invited me to MOPS, I came becausethere was free child-care. I didn’t carethat I had to sit in a meeting with women I didn’t know as long as someone waswearing out my kiddos and my 8 month pregnant body was getting to rest. In fact, I might even admit surprise at beingin a room with people who could speak in complete thoughts. Even more so that they were willing to admitsome of the same struggles with child rearing as I do.

The camaraderiewas instant. They understood what it’slike to have to discipline your child every 5 minutes for an hour and a halfbecause she won’t stay in her toddler bed. Or what it’s like to have two melting down children clinging to yourlegs while you try to just get anything edible on the table. And some of the mentors are far enough fromthese moments that they can laugh in memory.

About 2months after I attended my first MOPS meeting, my 3^rd baby was born,giving me 3 under 26 months of age. LikeI mentioned, I only really knew one person here. MOPS steering team set up a meal deliveryschedule and loved on me through food.

I vividlyremember Joni coming over with her sweet Addison. I was wearing PJ pants because nothing elsefit. My twins had managed to pull down,plug in, and burn themselves with my iron while I was nursing the baby. Moments before Joni came, they had emptied atravel sized toothpaste all over themselves and my bathroom while I was tossingin a load of laundry. Joni just laughedand called my girls “minty fresh” and gave me the perspective to see humor inthe day. She gave me the courage to makeit until my husband came home.

So what isMOPS to me? Well, it’s a group of womenwho love Jesus supporting one another as best as we can. And hearing the words, “I understand,” whileI’m wearing PJs at noon on a Thursday really makes a difference when I’m in thethick of it.

Thank youfor being here to support the ministry of MOPS in my life.

Savoring the Moments

2012-01-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just need to slow and savor some little moments. Even if the days are overflowing with a screaming baby, whining toddlers, and an anger prone momma.

2885-2920 Savory Gifts from Him

Smell of Roast in the crockpot
Yarn hanging from the needles
The way Sedryn Boy loves his changing table and his tummy rubs
Those eyes
Waking drowsy daughters
Extra nighttime sleep
Getting to sleep pretty consistently until 4:15
My story blessing others
Two girls holding hands on their own
Hobby Lobby: I promise it's like preschool for us!
All 3 napping together for 90 minutes for the first tiem this week
Sewing little girl panties from old t-shirts
Sedryn's little baby head smell
Having "Mrs. Jen" over from across the street to hold screaming stuffy nose Sedryn while I cooked dinner
Having Jen tell her story
Aeralind learning to roll a summersault all by herself!
Girls who ask for what food they want
Not peeing in my pants while nursing in the middle of the night
Small-Batch Brownies and chocolate sour cream frosting. Yum!
Casting off the body of my first sweater
Voluntary Aeralind snuggles
Bronwyn grinning silly while kissing both my cheeks and asking me to do the same
husband snuggles
Little blue eyes
Bags of homemade chicken broth
Freedom to vote
Sedryn's happy eating noise
The girls responding well to the responsibility to stay in their beds until the ocean music stops at nap time or until the alarm beeps in the morning.
Derek warm and in bed waiting for me to finish nursing
Smell of Bacon permeating the house
Running the oven on cold days
Girls asking for me to take them to the grocery store
Sedryn finally taking 2 hour naps- even if they are at odd times!
Sedryn's little fist in his mouth
Confused trees starting to bloom
girls bouncing on a naked bed

Home-Life 52: Week 3

2012-01-22T16:14:00.000-05:00

3 Months

2012-01-19T19:12:00.000-05:00

Oh, Sedryn boy! You have been battling sickness so much this month. And you're a typical man: you wanted to be cuddled and coddled the whole time you're sick. It's not working out so well for you because of your crazy sisters.

But one thing is for sure: your love language is physical touch. You practically purr with delight each evening as I give you a tummy and chubby thigh massage before bed. It's hysterical to watch... too bad the video camera distracts you too much for me to record it forever.

You've discovered two things this month. First, that if all the noise/people leave the room and you start screaming, odds are pretty good we'll come back. You want us to be there surrounding you. You are such an extrovert. Second, you've discovered you hands. You favorite thing to do with them is stuff your whole fist in your mouth to munch on. Your second favorite is to hold them in front of you nose and watch you fingers move.

Sedryn, there's also no question that God made you a boy. Your biggest obsession for the last 3 weeks has been to play with your spit. The girls never did anything like this! You sit there blowing spit bubbles until your entire shirt is soaking wet. I may have to pull out the bibs after all!

Thanks for snuggling with me, little cuddle bug, even when I don't appreciate it as I should.

Toddler Activity of the Week: Lay-Dee Boog!

2012-01-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

Bronwyn has a boyfriend. His name is Bruce. She likes to pet him. She insists that he's a "Lay-Dee Boog!" I know the truth.

Bruce is a Hissing Cockroach. He lives at our local Children's Museum.

I know... this doesn't sound so much like an activity besides going to see him at the museum, but it's become a game.

Bronwyn randomly looks at me during the day and says:
"Tea-um. Kinger. Lady-Dee Boog!" (Museum. Finger-I touch him with one finger. Lady Bug)

To which I reply.
"Bruce is a Cockroach!"

Bronwyn grins slying and insists:
"Lay-Dee Boog!"
"Cockroach!"
"Lay-Dee Boog!"
"Cockroach!"
"Lay-Dee Boog!"
"Cockroach!"

Until I either tickle her or collapse in a fit of giggles.

Here's a little interview of Bron-ee Bear telling you all about Bruce. Enjoy!

Complaints

2012-01-16T20:35:00.002-05:00

It's been one of those weeks over here.

Hurt feelings.

Tears. (mostly mommy)

Whining. (mostly toddlers)

Sedryn screaming for long periods for no reason only to finally let out the smallest burp possible.

Me wondering why I had 3 babies after the cut-off date for kindergarten (all of mine will be 6 unless I choose to fight it).

Hormones raging.

Lack of sleep.

Derek wondering if this was a preview of life with 3 teenage + women.

But mostly me complaining, which is, ironically, the one of the things I'm hoping to learn work on this year.

Isn't it just like God to send me a week where I have so much to complain about when I'm trying to learn not to complain?

And I have failed in this trial.

Failed miserably.

The gratitude journal fell silent in the heat of the moments and I couldn't look outside of myself.

Pray for me friends.

Pray Psalm 142 for me.

¹ With my voice I cry out to the LORD;
   with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD.
² I pour out my complaint before him;
   I tell my trouble before him.
³ When my spirit faints within me,
   you know my way!
In the path where I walk
   they have hidden a trap for me.
⁴ Look to the right and see:
   there is none who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
   no one cares for my soul. ⁵ I cry to you, O LORD;
   I say, “You are my refuge,
   my portion in the land of the living.”
⁶ Attend to my cry,
   for I am brought very low!
Deliver me from my persecutors,
   for they are too strong for me!
⁷ Bring me out of prison,
   that I may give thanks to your name!
The righteous will surround me,
   for you will deal bountifully with me.

Oh, the prison of selfishness, of unmet expectations, of discontent.

Help me give thanks to Your name!

Just a few thanks this week as in my weakness I forgot to give glory to Him.
2880. Snuggling a sleepy Aeralind
2881. Getting to see and touch Bruce the hissing cockroach again
2882. The museum membership- oh, how we love it!
2883. Rest (when Derek took the girls out AND let me sleep in!)
2884. Little girls coming back from the museum with Daddy wearing the coolest handmade hats from open studio.

Home-Life 52: Week 2

2012-01-16T19:59:00.000-05:00

Toddler Activity of the Week: Beads!

2012-01-15T22:10:00.000-05:00

I used some Christmas money to grab the girls this little project:
Pipe Cleaners: $.77
Multi-colored/ Multi-sized Wooden Beads: $4.99

We're in love with it! So much so that I have to keep it on top of my 'fridge to keep the beads from being scattered all over the house all the time!

What's really fun about this activity is that they can do it at my feet while I'm nursing sort of freestyle like in this video. Or I can get down there with them and really use it to teach! I make solid color necklaces and ask them to do the same in a different color (learning colors). Or I talk about small, medium, and large beads while threading (learning comparisons). Or I make a pattern: large, medium, small or blue, red, yellow and get them to do the same (learning sequencing: a math skill!).

Year of Action: Quilting

2012-01-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

~~Quilted project for a friend using scraps~~ (I'll post a photo as soon as the friend gets it!)

All of the following projects are using a huge fat quarter stash of Rosemarie Lavin's Spa

Quilt for a friend
Quilt for a friend #2
Finish quilt for living room (the top is done!)
Complete a second quilt top for living room
Make two pillows to match living room quilts
Put any scraps from living room quilts in embroidery frames for wall art

I'm in LOVE with this colorway of Joel Dewberry's Heirloom. Can't wait to get it on my bed in time for next fall :)

King sized quilt for my bedroom

Isn't this the perfect boy fabric? I snatched it up for Sedryn before it sells out!

Maybe start on the Boy's Twin quilt (I have the fabric).
Start making hexagons with my cotton scraps for a quilt top. Scraps always abound after little girl dresses and hexagons are good hand busy work :)

Year of Action: Knitting

2012-01-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

I totally just picked up knitting needles again. My grandmother taught me sometime between 3rd and 5th grade, but I never thought anything knitted could be modern-beautiful. Until I picked up the needles to start making some newborn hats and found some great books and Ravelry (which is kind of like a cross between Pinterest and blogging and a pattern library). Plus knitting is a craft which I can do while feeding boy and reading blogs... which isn't something I can do with sewing or quilting.

~~Knit myself a pair of handwarmers.~~ Typing at a computer, knitting, and sewing equals lots of cold hands :) (and after mine are finished it looks like I'm knitting two more pair for the girls who are obsessed with mine!)
~~Knit myself this funky Coif pattern.~~ Pretty and perfect for ponytail and updo days. (I love it!)

Make some knitted baskets. I have two different patterns. One that will use yarn from sweaters I've unraveled and one that I really like that uses cut up thrift-ed sheets as yarn!

Make 2 Monica Tanks for the girls from yarn unraveled from sweaters my grandmother made that are now too small.

~~Make 1 Miette Sweater~~ for me from yarn thrifted from a sweater that my grandma made me that I didn't love

Attempt this Shalom sweater with some yarn I won during a giveaway.

Knit some hats for my photography business and some to give away to the NICU. I did a couple last month with yarn I already had and can probably do a few more pretty quickly.

Make Cupcakes with the scraps to give away (or keep) at the girl's tea party.

Consider attempting these tights for the girls for Fall. This is the only project I would have to buy yarn for!

Consider Knitting these legwarmers/leggings for me (also would have to buy yarn for these).

Discipline Rhythm

2012-01-09T14:18:00.001-05:00

For 1 hour and 20 minutes, the rhythm beats stead like a drum. I sit down and slurp up a spoonful of soup on the stairs. If I'm lucky, I get two bites of my lunch before the pounding of little feet outside of their beds. Up, grab the discipline stick, and spank. Tears and hugs. The good news shared: "Jesus, can help you. He loves you." Little voices repeating a prayer: "Dear Jesus, help me obey and stay in my big girl bed. Amen." I remain calm, praying my own prayer silently as I exit the room: "Dear Jesus, help me obey and discipline these children in love so that they might come to know you." I sit down and slurp...

For 1 hour and 20 minutes, the cycle continues until 15 minutes before naptime ends two little girls fall silent. Aeralind sucking her thumb with the blankets over her head only having disobeyed twice. Dear strong willed Bronwyn asleep literally half out of bed, her spirit still defying, but her body finally giving in.

For 15 minutes, I rest. Silent. Thankful for the strength to obey and discipline in love. Thankful for the support of other mom's who've walked this road of teaching their children the law so they can learn humility. Learn their need for the Savior. Learn to accept grace.

And then I rise, nap time hour over. I walk in their room. Turn off their noisemaker. Smile at their sleepy sweetness. "Girls! It's time to play!" Laugh as both open their eyes slowly and practically roll them at me like teenagers do when parents advise. I kiss each baby, roll them out of their bed playfully, and tell them to come to the kitchen for popcorn. They stumble after me like zombies.

They crash into bed (actually ask for it!) at 6:30. And still they summon the strength to fight daddy for 30 minutes.

The next day, they know.

They know that they can't win.

They know their parents love them too much to let them win.

They know we're fighting them for their own good.

But more importantly, they know how to ask Jesus for help.

And I smile irony. Oh, how Jesus had loved me so much for the eight days prior. Disciplining me constantly with their crazy toddler bed behavior as I wanted to be selfish, nap, have a break, and not fight this fight.

Please Jesus, help me to obey and discipline these children as you would so that they might come to know You.

Counting 2420-2479 of the good gifts my loving Father continues to give despite my disobedience.

Husband laughing as I crawl under a trap of computer cords
Hanging out with Sarah Venn and her girls
New house and toys for the girls to play with
Sweet Mandy dropping everything to help me when all chaos broke loose
Mandy telling me why Sedryn was an absolute no sleeping, no eating fuss bucket: He was sick! Duh!
Chatting with Mandy
Real conversation
Advice and encouragement form Allie and Chelsea
Derek listening to hard true words with grace for my bluntness
No fever at the doctors saving Sedryn from blood draw or hospital
Girls being obedient at doctors
Sedryn sleeping during the 1 hour 20 minute rumble with the girls
Laughing as I woke them up at normal naptime ending after only 15 minutes of sleep. Both looked at me like "Are you crazy?!"
Seeing strong-willed B asleep half out of her bed- fighting tme to the end
Aeralind practically rolling her eyes at me when I told her it was time to play
playfully rooling them out of bed to pop corn and read
our new love of popcorn
overtired exhausted girls askign for lseep at quarter to 6
Girls asleep before 7 after a week of 9pm being the average
having happy smiling Sedryn back from sickness
better sleep at night
Lots of Derek snuggles in the cold cold night
Aeralind point at a picture of the Last Supper and declaring "Baby Yasus!" We've never talked about that painting. Incredible
Only 20 minutes and 1 spanking per girl before they slept for nap today.
New obsession with Maple Syrup and salt pan popped popcorn
Days getting longer
Discovering Sedryn's obsession/adoration of the PnP changing table
Morning at Becca's
Becca's generosity with outgrown toys handed down
Bronwyn speeding down the driveway on a sooter
Both girls drawn to bicycles
Seeing One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are on Becca's coffee table
Daylin pushing my girls on swings
Talking to a pouting Daylin in the trunk of her car
Becca's joy at Sedryn
Cooing happy baby boy
Boy who wears his emotions on his sleeve
Spinach grilled cheese sandwich
Tow tired girls not disobeying me once and staying in their beds- asleep in 15 minutes
Bronwyn finishing her prayer at nap time on her own. Saying "Obey" and "big girl bed." And after I said 'thank you for the fun at' finishing with "Becca's house!"
Aeralind's smile when she says "Dear Yesis."
Warm sunshine streaming in
Derkin tossing in a load of laundry before he left
glorious mess of toys all over the house
outside time after nap
lots of laundry to hand- lots of love in the house
walking around the lake at a toddler pace as a family
laughing at Aeralind scared of being able to see between the planks on the bridge
Sub sandwiches
Sedryn lying on the grass grinning
Girls' asking insistently to go back to Aunt Becca's House
Going back to Becca's
Derek fixing Becca's computer
Beccan kicking us out to get coffee
Taking Daylin with us
Laughing as Brady handed Derek a sword and promptly attacked him
Derek and Danny fighting with noodles. Danny saying "At least my noodle isn't pink!.... Okay... okay... we need to stop! My nose is bleeding!"
Leftovers being reuses again: The Christmas roast- half becoming beef and cranberry soup (yum!) and the other half as beef fahjitas
Derek reading to the girls through the echo microphone
Bronwyn saying unprompted "I love you!" to daddy
Sneaking a slice of my hot homemade chocolate birthday cake

Home-Life 52: Week 1

2012-01-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

Year of Action: Photography

2012-01-08T14:30:00.000-05:00

Some of these are business related. Some of these are just for learning. Some of these are personal. However, they're all related to the camera.

Do a Home Life Project 52. Obviously I failed a 365 project and at this current stage of life, it's too hard to take and edit a photo each day. However, since Sedryn was born, I'm struggling to capture anything at all of our life and growth. So each week I'll create one family album page that celebrates life as it happens.
Take a photo of everything I make in 2011. I made the girls 5 dresses last year. I managed to photograph one well and one incidentally and posted only about 1! Since I'm planning lots of making... I want to record it even if it's not the best shot.
Have a logo I like made specifically for the business.
Print business cards.
Work on the Wordpress Template with Tiffany
Keep my books better!
Learn how to control the focus points in my camera better. I love shooting wide open, but I struggle to nail the focus.
Streamline my newborn editing. It takes me forever and I still don't always achieve consistent skin tones from image to image.

Year of Action: Home Life

2012-01-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

This is probably my least quantitative list for the year of action. Not as easy to make check marks on this one, but it's the challenge to create new habits by His grace.

Carve out time to read scripture (not doing so well here yet... except for little snippets.)
Pray out loud when I get frustrated, especially with the girls. If I'm teaching them to ask Jesus for help obeying... they need to hear me do the same.
Memorize Philippians with Derek (haha... let's throw a curve ball at you, Derek... if we're going to read it weakly... we're going to memorize it :-p)
Manage to get Multitude Monday up on the blog every week (and therefore more consistently give praise to God in my daily gratitude journal).
Write our sweet Compassion child, Dalsys, every month. (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12)
Stop complaining/whining. I'm tired of it. There's too much for which to be grateful . The end.
Do a Toddler Activity of the Week Series on the blog (from the week before). Believe it or not, I struggle to stop being lazy and play with my sweet girls.
Get in the habit of cleaning one thing in the house each evening + tidying the kitchen.
Try 100 Days of Real Food. Probably closer to summer when season produce is abundant. This experiment intrigues me...
Plan a special tea party for the girls 3rd birthday

Late Monday Counting :)

2012-01-02T20:46:00.003-05:00

2363-2419

Watching the Christmas story told by children
The girls asking to watch it over and over "Baby yasus! Star!"
The star: It just makes me grin
New vocabulary word: "Party"
Playing at the museum with grandparents
Bronwyn and Papa riding a stationary bike
Carrying Aerie in the Ergo while Baba holds the boy
Yummy food from dad
watching girls decorate gingerbread cookies
Aerie loving the art project-ness of the cookies

Bronwyn spooning frosting in her mouth and sampling all her cookies

Shared laughs with Papa

Laughter and raspberry noises at the girls waking up with gift bags filled with elephants in their cribs
Girls stopping all Christmas unwrapping to play with their Goodnight Moon game
Playing with the car ramp
Me collapsing with the flu down for a nap
Having that freedom
Derek having Monday off so I could rest some more
Lots of grace to deal with screaming Sedryn who doesn't approve of me eating ice cream before bed.
Hearing the girls chant "Lobby lobby lobby!" when I told them we're going to Hobby Lobby
Treking over to Target to look for how to spend Christmas money from the Maine grandarents
Stumbling on owl toddler sheets/comforter
Girls all excited about "bay gel sheets" (big girl)
Going home with the excitement and spontaneously converting their cribs to toddler beds
More joy over big girl beds
When B got tired she informed me "I nap"
Laughter as B hollared at A "obey obey OBEY!" about staying in her bed
Only 45 minute struggle to keep them in
Excitement to tell day about "bagel beds"
Listening to B tell A "no cry!" every time we closed the door
Girls sleeping soundly
Bedtime
1 hour of flirt time with a boy who cried every time i stopped talking to him
Laughing as Sedryn busted out real tears every time Bronwyn yelled "No cry!" at him I think she scared him or hurt his feelings
Long awaited date night
Ruthie, Mandy , & Matt enjoying the wiggles
Hearing about the girls' deltight at Ruthie playing their favorite song on the violin
Ruthie dealing with the curveball of toddler beds with such grace- even with naked diaperless kiddos running around at almost 9pm
Just talking with Derek
Fondue!
Chatting with Mandy, Ruthie, and Derek
Going over to paint at Ruthie's new home the next day
Secret toddler/Sedryn tree art project
Ruthie's near tears of joy when the girls delivered her artwork
Library fun
Derek leaving a hysterical message to Brad about Ruthie's "A Pirate's Night Before Christmas"
Finding the book on Julia's Pintrest later that day
IHOP with the family for Derek's birthday
Girls going to sleep in under 10 minutes both nap times today
Sedryn's big boy quilt fabic- makes me smile
Hearing this broadcast on Focus on the Family . A great way to start the epic toddler bed ordeal.
4.5 day weekend with Derek
Moby wrap for unhappy baby
Finally getting to bake Beef Portobello Turnovers that I've had the filling in the freezer for over a month waiting
watching and overtired drowsy Bronwyn roll out of her toddler bed after extreme couple of nights of toddler bed drama
Girls who eat spinach
A partner who sits with me as we fight the girls over staying in bed

The Year of Action

2012-01-01T21:35:00.003-05:00

I'm lazy.

There, I said it.

Out loud.

Well...sort of...

It's gone under many guises: forgetfulness, bad time management, procrastination, dislike for a task (ahem... cleaning the fridge out), etc. etc. etc.

I'm a sluggard and it's what I feel the Lord wants to change in my heart over the course of this year.

The sluggard says "There's a lion in the road! There's a lion in the streets!"
As a door turns on it's hinges, so does the sluggard on his bed.
The sluggard buries his hand in the dish, it wears him out to bring it back to his mouth.
The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly.
Proverbs 26:13-16

That's me: Afraid to start things, too tired to get up and get moving, leaves projects unfinished, and is often to afraid to ask for help.

So I'm going to call 2012 "The Year of Action."

First, let me say to you (and myself), that this isn't legalism. I'm not acting because I want to earn grace or do what will impress or even because I'm a perfectionist (a lazy perfectionist... how's that for a contradiction?).

It's simply an acknowledgement that I have God given talents, responsibilities, and opportunities that I need to seize for His glory.

Over the course of the next few days/weeks, I'll be posting a series of lists of what I hope to accomplish in the next 366 days. I'm a list girl and writing it down helps combat the fear of the "lion in the streets". It's a start, even when I'm anxious. Plus there's no better feeling than checking something off the list and knowing that, by grace, I was able to bring my hand back to my mouth for a change.

So here's to the Year of Action! I can't wait to see what she brings.

Daytime Moon

2011-12-21T16:06:00.000-05:00

We were walking out of church. Hand in hand with two fiesty skippy running toddlers.

Bronwyn pauses on the sidewalk. "Moon," she says.

I really don't hear her. Toddler jargon is quite the jumble with more words understandable each day, but momma struggles to learn the language.

She stops, halting me and Aeralind.

"Moon, Momma" she says and points.

I hear it this time and look up to see a beautiful daytime moon.

She smiles and we all gaze upward for a view of common grace.

Why must the toddler always be the better teacher?

Stop, Momma. Stop and see beauty.

Stop rushing.

Stop trying to do better.

Stop crying in frustration at unconsolable baby boy or toddlers with eggs and flour on the floor.

Stop, Momma.

See beauty.

Really see.

And give thanks in joy.

Counting #2725-2762 beautiful graces I've really seen:

pulling up to the YMCA and hearing little girls shriek "POOL!!!!" with excitment
Their exclamations making the craziness of getting all 3 of them into the Y worth the effort
Derek home before us to get dinner finished when we walk in
soft baby hair burshing my cheek
both girls on my lap watching animal videos on YouTube
Girls who eat just about everything- even if they eat all the time
hambone in a pot-streching an extra meal with broth, yogurt, and potatoes
warm soup on a cold day
girls gleefully washing their own dishes

Ring around the Rosy
Inviting sweet Dalsys into our family
Husband getting fridge lock for frazzled wife after 8 eggs and 4 cups milled flour mixed on my floor
"Lay DEE boog" joy and terror

Girls saying "I nap" and climbing in my bed to snuggle and suck thumbs

Moving the kitchen furniture around for the sheer joy of it
Finally blogging about Julia's impromptu photography session
Realizing that I don't dislike families/toddler/sibling sessions. I just dislike formal posing. I love "slice of life." Running in a park, playing Ring around the Rosy, giggling about bubbles. I like images that tell stories about people, their relationships, and the joy in the moments truly being lived.
Growing as a photographer
Places to go.
Lovely morning at Mandy's
Grown-up conversation
Girls' excited about "no men EEs" (snowmen... or Santa... or elves....)
Girls' saying they were at Reagan's house
More fussy baby "I can't do this" tears
Laughter at Derek's bosses' joke
Just when I feel like listing fussy boy on Ebay... Sedryn breaks out the grins
20 minutes of a happy grinning boy laying on my lap and flirting shamelessly with me

Dates with my little girls
making toys
Sunday mid-morning nap (a gift from hubby)
Finding my long lost video camera
Seeing the moon walking out of church with my girls
Real conversations with my toddlers
Knitting hanging from the needles
Comforting a scared Bronwyn after a bad dream
Swimming Lessons with Ms. Kylie

Baby Jesus

2 Months

2011-12-19T22:32:00.000-05:00

Sedryn boy, you turned on the fussies at about 5 weeks and you haven't hardly let up since then! You also rocked about 3 different growth spurts that had mommy waking up every 3 hours instead of once a night. It has been a hard hard month for mommy.

But Saturday you finally turned on the grins and you haven't stopped yet. And the best part: you like to spoil me with smiles more than anyone else! I think I might actually like you now. Keep up the flirting... it does wonders for mommy's morale.

What I've most noticed about you this month is that I'm about 100% sure that your love languages are touch and quality time. You love undivided attention (which is hard to come by in this house) and you love being held and touched (gently... sister touches are almost always unwelcome). I'm actually starting to enjoy quiet moments with you, too.

Last night, I tucked you in bed alone. You're not a fan of going to bed around 7 like your body needs. You want to stay up and join in the chaos and catch up on quality time. But last night, I fed you, gave you a tummy massage, talked to you, and then wrapped you up for bed. Two pacifier insertions after that and you were asleep. We might be on to something. And I might secretly adore that quiet happy time with you.

2 and a Quarter!

2011-12-11T21:53:00.001-05:00

(I figured after 2 it seems a little silly to count in months... so 2 and a quarter it is!)

These last 3 months have flown by in a flurry for mommy with little sleep, a newborn (or hugely pregnant), and you two crazy monkeys. You're so fun right now, but I'm having a hard time finding time to enjoy you properly. So Daddy is sitting right next to me and we're going to do a little bullet list of the things we want to remember about you during this time.

First: The crazy things you two have gotten into in the last month while mommy was otherwise occupied.

Toothpaste. A friend delivered a meal that day and loved how "minty fresh" you two were. Head... to toe
Make-up. You painted yourself pretty. But I think you looked like football players.


Aeralind

Bronwyn

Baby oil. I'm not sure that's ever coming out of brother's carpet (but it smells nice) and it came out of your hair... after a bath... or two...
Iron. I'm pretty sure Bronwyn held this over Aeralind's finger. Of course, I'm also pretty sure Aeralind was the one who plugged it in. You now call it "hot!!!!".
Gas-X. Mommy's first (maybe only? doubtful...) call to poison control. Apparently eight 128mg tablets won't do you any harm.
Eggs. Cracked them on my kitchen floor. Perfectly cooked... according to you.
Q-Tips. You like cleaning your own ears out.
Condiments. Art for the kitchen floor.
Keyboard+Water after locking daddy out of the house while mommy slept.
Chocolate Meringue Cookies. Pulled a whole baking sheet off the counter. Devoured half a dozen.
And the crowning achievement: smearing Vaseline on a "pun'kin" (and the carpet/changing table) after you broke the stem. It was "med'cine" to fix it. You tell me stories about this incident still.

This might be the terrible twos... but from the list above... it's terribly funny (when I'm not cleaning up the messes).

Here's a little something about each girl and your unique personalities during this time.

Aeralind

Your word is "control". You will do anything to remain in control. You don't cry (normally) when disciplined. If you think it's in your best interest to act the angel while Bronwyn climbs the wall, you will. If you want something yourself, you'll go get it. You hate loosing control to the point that you don't even throw tantrums, you just sulk.
You trying to find your Toes'ies when having pants put on.
You have finally stopped cursing when referring to your shirt and shoes.
You love to swing.
Tunnel! You scream this when you want to go outside and play on your playground
Playing with Rocks.
'Wocking' in your chair or on your horse.
You snuck into the kitchen to snitch some brown sugar while everyone else was melting down. You had so much on your face it looked like you'd grown a beard!
You can swim really well with your Puddle Jumpers on.
Tags: You're obsessed with them. And every time you find one your little thumb sneaks right into your mouth.
You're the Hair puller
You like talking on the phone and will demand to call someone.
Scared of bugs

Bronwyn

Your word is "order". You believe everything has an inherent order. Mommy must put the vitamins on the right shelf. You must sit in the chairs in Nana's nursery and eat snack there. You must keep your owl or cupcake jammies on at all costs. It's no surprise that your favorite sentences all start with "I want..." If something disrupts your order, you will melt down on the floor in an epic temper tantrum.
You think your socks are "cocks".
You won't do airplanes without your daddy taking his glasses off.
You mastered the words "I Want". They maybe your only verb besides push and rock.
You think you are Sedryn's mother and have tried to practice nursing on your doll and a 14 month old friend.
Tunnel!!! One of your favorite places too!
When we go outside you'd demand that we sit you up in trees.
You like to eat raw flour.
Will put your face underwater and swim a couple feet to someone.
You're the biter.
Being chased
You will roll over brother as if he is a rotisserie chicken.
Will either pet or kill a bug, depending on its type
You were terrified of elevators.

Breast Feeding Part 17: A New Beginning

2011-12-09T13:04:00.000-05:00

Let's just say that breastfeeding a singleton after twins is a so easy. A full term almost 9lb baby with a mom who knows what to do have a learning curve that while still steep, isn't nearly as hard as it was the first time.

In the beginning, the only issue we had was a bad latch on the right side. It turns out that, because of the twins on their nursing pillow, I'm pretty much incapable of latching a young baby on the right side except in football hold. So that was an easy fix ;)

And then my milk came in. Holy Milk Cow Momma! Um... hello, body, we're not needing milk for two again! So I had to block feed Sedryn (one side for every 3 hours). That solved issue number two. Score!

But issue number 3 isn't going to be so easy. Momma overloaded on dairy the last two days. And momma's ears have been paying for it. The little guy has screamed from 1pm-10pm (praise God he's allowing it to be during the day time!) both days. So I'll be dairy light through the holidays to see if he improves... and after the holidays if it's still rough, I guess I'm heading back to dairy-free land.

Hello Almond Milk Smoothies: I've missed you the past 13 months! (no really, I have!)

Just This

2011-12-08T13:31:00.000-05:00

A sweet email came this morning from my husband's coworker. (One of the ones with enough sweet sass to keep him in line). A compliment about how this space always points UP. Oh, sweet Leah, I'm too weak not to point up. Too disappointing. Too broken.

Like last night when all I had was angry rushing words and tears.

For you, Leah, just this today. Hope for me (mostly me!) and you when we fail.

Respite

2011-12-05T14:01:00.000-05:00

Just when things reach the peak of squeezing me (oh, so prideful me) into the image of Christ, I'm blessed with a little respite.

Sedryn sleeps a sudden 6.5 hours and holds steady at one night feeding.

Sedryn starts leaving the fussy super needy infant stage as we figure his needs/schedule out and moves into the cute but still needy stage.

Derek's car gets fixed and mine returned to me so two stir crazy toddlers (and their momma) are no longer climbing the walls all day.

I make phone calls to Karen and get good advice/solidarity with my issues.

Tamara wordless cleans my kitchen and its floor while I fall helplessly into bed.

I invite a blog/church acquaintance over to the house on a "momma date" and find out we have a ton in common and laugh grace as our children throw tantrums or scream or eat fistfuls of brown sugar while everyone else is melting down.

I come up gasping for the air of grace and thankful that, despite my own sinful heart, there's so much grace to breath in.

Counting 2682-2724 of these graces that I can soak in right now.

Sedryn having a good non-fussy morning
Getting to cvoer a box in wrapping paper with the girls
watching them excited over stickers and crayons coloring the box
Looking forward to them getting excited about their Leopar house (the bos) when they see it tommorow with the cage door glued on
Visit and a meal from Amber
All four older kids building towers together
Syler and Bronwyn staring at each other and giving kissing
Watching YouTube elephant, snake, and tiger videos with two excited girls
Sedryn boy wiggling happily on the exam table at my six week check up.
Quiet moments for us to stare at each other without fear of sisters lying on him
Nursing laughing when I told him to 'just spit up already' as he got fussy, burped, and gagged down spit-up. "You're not a first time mom are you?" followed by laughter.
Ruthie hanging out with the girls to make it all possible.
FREE parent-tot swim lessons at the YMCA
Derek able to make the Wednesday Lessons
Childcare at the Y
Two excited and shivery girls enjoying time with mom and dad
Warm milk for chilly girls
My man sandwhich cuddles with Derek and boy watching a movie
Laughing as I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time since the Y- I looked like a crazy lady with mascara all over my face. I can only imagine what the Y childcare ladies must have thought.
Phyllis, the lady holding my son, not even batting an eye over my crazy appearance
Christmas ornaments worn as earrings by little girls
Sedryn going 6.5 hours between feedings
Surviving a trip to the children's museum when I'm outnumbered 3 to 1
the girls obeying
B conquering her fear of the elevator
Browsing the art museum with the girls
Them enjoying pointing out objects they know in the pictures
Parsnip- I love them
Soft boy mohawk brushing my cheek
Screaming and fussing lessening as we learn his needs/routine
Morning shopping with Sedryn
2 weeks of groceries for $85 simply by taking stock of the freezers
Daddy and girls bird watching
Derek showing me a cute video on his phone of the girls holding hands and jumping/running through thigh high leaves while shrieking in glee
a glass of wine
A comatose nap
cookies and hot chocolate with Derek
Yummy cheese crackers
making and crossing off lists again
catching up with Julia a little via email
naptime
brainstorming with Derek about putting the girls' big girl room downstairs and moving office/crafting into their room
waiting long and patient for my new camera body to go on sale,my old camera to sell on Craigslist, or my stroller to sell so I can buy it
1 (maybe 3) session in December that might cover the remaining costs.

Simple Eucharisteo

2011-11-28T20:41:00.000-05:00

Rare treat: two posts in one day. But the first was actually for the last two weeks. Here's what I've recorded since last Monday. A scant few... but all filled with His glory.

2672. Sticks and Pinecones

2673. Tree climbing

2674. Rock star hair

2675. Head first sliding

2676. First horse ride glee!

2677. Larry on his horse

2678. Sweet Carol holding Sedryn telling Derek with sass that he couldn't have Sedryn back

2679. Laughing

2680. Sweater Vests- Seriously, how long can a boy get away with wearing a sweater vest?!

2681. Tree decorating with toddlers

2682. Eucharisteo

Confessions

2011-11-28T15:30:00.001-05:00

Disclaimer: I love my children. I think they're fantastic and am beyond blessed to have them in my life. But the reality is that parenting children teaches you so much more about your sinful heart than you really want to admit. It all comes down to humility. Which I am not very good at.

Sedryn is upstairs screaming again. I just put him in bed after holding/nursing/burping him for nearly an hour. I'm probably going to have to stop typing right now and go put him in my Ergo Carrier.

(now that that's done and the screaming is accompanied by clawing my collarbone and a bouncing ab workout...)

Aeralind and Bronwyn are down for their nap and I am tired. I want so badly to sleep (or do 400 other things that need to be done). But I can't because Sedryn is so needy during these two hours.

Let me make a confession: I am probably the only newborn photographer on the planet that dislikes the entire newborn stage.

Don't get me wrong: newborns are sweet... while they're sleeping or when you're cuddling a baby who doesn't belong to you. My clients say that I'm so patient while soothing their baby to the deep sleep needed for my art; truly, I am... but it's almost because I sort of feel sorry for them. I know what they're going through with little sleep and barely any ability to get things done. They've been soothing this baby for about a week and, while they're probably not weary yet (the honeymoon stage is nice), they're going to be. And then comes guilt from not enjoying each moment of this new one's life. And the potential to only have a precious scattered few memories of this new baby outside of the images I'm going to create. I take my job seriously and patiently, but I know how hard newborns are.

Newborns make us (or is it just me?) come to the end of ourselves. We can't hide our frustration or anger or just pure discontent with little sleep and the constant-ness of that little life's neediness. In fact, I honestly believe that by 3 weeks of life every new mother knows why a mother could shake her infant to death. It's not the baby... it's the sin welling up inside of us; the insidious sin of selfishness.

And I am utterly and completely selfish.

I want everything my way.

I want my girls to obey and play quietly with books or puzzles rather than smear vaseline on a pumpkin or paint each other in toothpaste while I spend 15 minutes nursing or 5 minutes changing over the laundry (their laundry!).

I want my son to speak and tell me whether he's screaming because of gas or hunger or a dirty diaper so we can fix things and I can move on.

Move onto my to-do list of laundry, finishing a tree skirt, blogging our life for memories/record of growth, crafting some Christmas projects, unloading the dishwasher, eating something that resembles a meal, showering and, for goodness sake, is a nap or early bedtime or even 5 hours of consecutive sleep too much to ask for the 3 of them to coordinate?!

Why, yes, I am that selfish!

And while I'm too sleep deprived to hide my selfishness behind the mask of perfectionism, let me be real and say that coming to see your selfishness while quarter inch long eyelashes flutter sleepily in the crook of a weary elbow and another child wakes from a coughing fit is not easy.

I am broken.

I need a gracious Savior more than I will ever need sleep.

Because, after all, He's the one selflessly and quietly serving (even unto death) the most selfish new-born daughter there is: me.

And yet he showers even me with countless gifts.

Counting just a few of these gifts here while my son finally sleeps sweating against my chest and my girls wake up 30 minutes early from nap (maybe I'll get this post up this evening when it's just me and the boy again... or maybe I'll finish it a whole week later :-p)
#2583-2670

3-day weekends
Mother/duaghter morning date out
3 nights sleeping from 10-1:47. woohoo!
Husband so willing to serve me and kiddos
little girl hugs
Getting out of the house most mornings this week
Mandy walking in the house as I finished nursing to gently help me clean the girls' vaseline mess
Being able to laught at the "Punkin" smeared with "med-sin" as they call vaseline. I thinky they were trying to heal his newly broken stem
coversing with little girls
Girls remembering how much fun we had at a local water park and begging to go in when we visited a park next door
writing a little bit during newborn safety week
learning how to kill bacteria with a cloth and water
handstitching
sewing hats for Sedryn
walking thechallenging newborn raod with Sedryn
Bronwyn unharmed after a scary plaground fall
pumpkin smoothies
little girls gobbling up pumpkin smoothies
airplanes with daddy
Swinging happy with Mrs. Joni
new friendships through MOPS
generously still recieving meals
hearing Derek talk to his sister
crashing nap wise on Saturdays
one day wihtout Sedryn screaming for a long period of time
Sweet mornign with Becca
Sedryn and Becca being just the thing each needed. Cuddles for Sedryn and post-surgery heating pad for Becca
Brady working so hard to open a toy motorcycle for Bronwyn
comparing Daylin and Aeralind and learning from each other
Playing in the backyard with the girls
Ruthie bringing and staying for supper
little girls showing off
girls working on memorizing Psalm 23:1 and repeating "The Lord is my leopard."
Derek wrangling crazy crying girls
Sedryn almost sleeping 5 hours even if the girls were up a few times that night
Talking to Ruthie in my kitchen
Ladies Bible Study
Brunch
Ruthie helping whe we discovered the stomach bug/acid poo diapers
lying in bed with Aeralind holding my hand
First nap for mommy in days
Derek
Derk's physical help
Derek encouragement
Repentence
B just wanting to snuggle
Amber relating to twins at 2 + an infant
one night feeding
night out without kids
Sedryn getting better at burping
sister coming to visit
watching crazy girls roll on a rug
laughing hysteria at girls wearing (and loving) their first gag gift: Cow costumes
Girls jumping into Kay Kay's arms
Silly girls getting their pillows and lying under brothers crib while I sort clothes
A third set of hands during fussy hour
Sedryn all dressed up in a little man shirt
Just enough dinner
girls coloring for 2 hours
Aunt Kay Kay pedicures
waking to a clock reading 3 for the FIRST night feeding
not being woken again until 7
Thrift shopping with my sister
laughing when Aeralin sneezed pumpkin oatmeal all over the car after she tripped on me and got her first bloddy nose
hymns to sing when I fall short
Oh, to grace how great a debtor!
Retrieving bare bottomed Bronwyn from her crib
1 motnh with a precious boy
1 month flying for the girl who doesn't like newborn cryptic screaming
breakfast out with the whole family
A scarfing down dady's blueberry pancakes
morrning at Chanwey's
the blessing of her friendship
exploring the Good Night Gorilla pictures with all 4 of our girls
Sedryn enjoying snuggling with Chanwey
HOw fascinated they are by crayons
taping up a wall calendar
relatively fuss free day
snugglign with my men watching a movie
little boy in a warm girl sleep sack
coming ot the end of myself and recognizing once again my need for a Savior
A Savior who knows my need and loves me in spite of it
little girls playing in one crib with two blankets and Sedryn's stethescope from the hospital
Those long little boy eyelashes
Keenly looking for all the things in Good Night Moon that the girls have the vocabulary for
author who has the creativity to move a mouse and kittens in each page- even when it has nothing to do with the story
playing outside in the tunnel before afternoon thunder showers
Kind neighbors who take a shift with fussy Sedryn so I can get a break and one on one time with my girls
teaching the girls scripture memory
learning the verses with them
little voices saying "Lord" long before I did

1 Month

2011-11-19T19:34:00.001-05:00

Sedryn turns 1 month today.

He is such an easy going little guy. He doesn't usually mind when his sisters literally lie all over him. He hangs out in the bouncy seat without complaint. He hates having his diaper/clothes changed, gets impatient if his meal is late, and can shriek crazy loud if he has a gas bubble, but other than that nothing phases him. Well, except for the bath. He's horrified of that whole idea... and I have a feeling that might just be part of having a boy :-p

But the most adorable thing about this boy (besides those daily growing chubbier cheeks) is just how much he loves to be warm and snuggled.

Little guy, I can't wait to see your personality evolve over the next year.

Why do Miserable Christians Stay Married?

2011-11-09T08:04:00.000-05:00

My sister asked the above profound question. She doesn't know the Lord Jesus. It was referenced toward a family we know where the couple seems miserable.

Apologetics aren't my strong suit. I think I answered her incompletely. I figured I'd give it a second try and with more time for the thoughts to brew.

Sweet sister of mine, marriage is hard. When two selfish people move into the same space with all their expectations of what married life is going to be like... it's a recipe for disaster.

In a way, it's like siblings who share a room. At some point when nothing is going your way and you're angry at your sister for talking on the phone for hours when you have a major test the next day and are so tired: you're going to walk over and beat your sister on the head with the blasted telephone. (not that I would know anything about something like that...)

The difference with siblings is that we already sort of know each others personality and know how their going to react because we've lived with them since the younger one's birth. That gives us the advantage at intentionally pushing each others buttons... but it also gives us the advantage of knowing how to avoid accidentally pushing those buttons.

In marriage, we don't know those expectations. Some of them are silly. Derek expected me to rinse my toothpaste spit out of the sink with water when we got married. That was something that wasn't expected of us when we were growing up, so I didn't know to do it. We actually fought about toothpaste spit! I learned to clean up my mess because it bothered him; he learned that it was silly to expect me to clean up without telling me about that expectation.

So therein lies the problem: two selfish people who don't know every expectation that their spouse has move under the same roof and sin in anger. That is what creates misery in marriage: selfish expectations. I think that's probably the issue with the couple we talked about.

Miserable Christians like our example family are probably staying married because of expectations. Expectations from family and friends to stay married. Expectations and rules from the Bible to stay married. Expectations and fear of failure.

But that is not how Christian marriage should be.

You see, if we're truly walking with the Spirit, then we should be dying to ourselves. Dying to our selfish expectations and learning to serve our spouses.

Remember when you were here, sweet sister, and I got so angry at Bronwyn while I was making dinner. I can't even remember what she was doing. But I do remember that I was hungry and that I expected her to stay out of my way so I could satisfy my hunger. You know what happened after I yelled at her and you removed her from the room? The Spirit convicted me of my selfish sin. He pointed out that I had mistreated her and that I was failing to love and serve her because I wanted what I wanted now (food). I still remember apologizing to Bronwyn for my sin in your presence.

That above process is what makes Christians who love Jesus and are dying to ourselves daily, stay married. It's called Sanctification: the process of being made to be more like Jesus. It's hard. It's humbling. It's not commonly felt, seen, or practiced. And it's especially hard to see since so many 'Christians' are simply following a set of rules/expectations rather than pursuing loving Jesus and others in every possible way.

Does that help you understand? I'm not trying to judge our question provoking couple, but I would say that they haven't reached this place of humbling themselves to love their spouse on a daily basis despite their own selfish expectations. And I think that's sad, because there's a sweet joy found in humbling yourself within marriage that isn't found anywhere else in life.

A Hat for Sedryn

2011-11-08T08:17:00.000-05:00

This boy has a big head (just like his daddy... ahem :-p)!

He couldn't wear the newborn hats in the hospital.
I have exactly 3 hats that sort of fit him.
So when we ran out to Target with a gift card to spend, I looked to get him a hat.

Apparently hats at Target only come in two sizes: Newborn and 12-18 months.

Disappointing, but crafting inspiring.

Meet Sedryn's new hat made from Daddy's old shirt (with enough to make a few more) and a bit of ribbing. I used this free pattern from Sew Liberated.
Perfection.

And, oh my goodness! Is this boy getting chubby or what?! I might actually have a baby with rolls since the girls never did chunk out!

Endurance

2011-11-07T10:06:00.000-05:00

I'm so much better with intense experiences that have a finite end. (unmedicated labor and birth for example)

I lose faith when the situation has no resolution in sight. (my son screaming for long stretches during the day for example)

Yesterday's Sermon tackled James 5:13-18

I needed to hear it. I needed to be reminded that I need grace. I need to plead for grace. I need to pray rather than stress. I need to breath in his presence like oxygen.

Self: Hang on to him. Obey. And simply do the next thing. Even when it's hard.

Counting #2489-2582 of the simple graces that He gives to get me through each day.

Doing the next thing
Suddenly- 3 loads of laundry and cloth diapers hung
Girls cleaning out the dregs of momma's ice cream with their fingers
Getting to snuggle each girl alone
Laughing hard at the ingenuity of my daughters using a wax heart from a candle as a crayon
Their enthusiasm in helping me clean it from the walls
starting the time change sleep change up a week early
my mom arriving safely
2 hour naps for everyone
deciding to block feed- Sedryn's tummy is much happier
Showing mom how much the girls love Hobby Lobby
Hobby Lobby and it's vocabulary building stock
Chick-fil-a Buy 1 get 1 free night :)
Repentent girl snuggles
chubby baby boy snuggles
Karen calling late to answer a question in love
certainty of a shower tomorrow
Going to LBS with just one baby
chatting with Tiffany in the hall
yummy stuff at teh day old Panera bread table
Girls and grandma really enjoying their morning
teaching the girls to say patience with a smile on their faces
grapes and leftovers
overdoing it and being reminded just how dependent I am
mustard yellow sweater
laughing as little girls told us to put cute petti-skirts "UP!" when we asked if they'd like them
A & B rejecting the cutes like fuschia boots with a bow
Wishing the boots came in my size
Finding out accidentally that I actually like Lattes: at least salted carmel mocha ones
Half-finished owl hat
Derek and mom teaming up for me to have a rest filled evening
New cupcake PJs for sweet girls
Quiet day at home
baking muffins with the girls
homemade water color antics
cooking in the kitchent
bronwyn snuggling and playing with grandma
Aeralind sitting on my lap for a long cuddle
Little girls climbing into brother's crib to snuggle together
then demanding that brother join them
Having my mom as an extra set of hands
wandering Target with Derek alone as a little date evening
Sedryn in an infant gown
Derek putting the flannel sheets on the bed
long nap
finally starting my Christmas tree "pants"
quiet time at night to spend alone with Sedryn
Derek's grace in consoling Sedryn at night when he doesn't have to
Sedryn usualling only being fussy after 1 night feed instead of all
me falling back to sleep faster after night feeds
the keyboard/laptop that Sedryn peed on drying out and working normally- with a few new quirks
Little Sedryn squeaks
Block feeding working for us and my body adjusting
opportunity to say "I'm sorry"
a strong nursling
having a hard time being grateful for Sedryn as he comes out of his newborn sleepy period and learns to exercise his lungs regularly
Derek delight in little girls who squeal "Dadi!" when he comes home
Bronwyn suddenly have a converastion with me
"B, why did you wake up last night?"
"Baby. Cry."
"Do you need me to turn up the ocean?"
"Ocean." (smile)
Bronwyn telling grandma: "I did that at church!" about a drawing she did almost 2 months ago!
2 hour comatose nap
First 3.5 hour stretch at night in awhile
Generous early christmast gift from mom: Children's Museum pass
Busy little girls
Loving on the giant light peg thing
Laughint at the crane together
First corndogs
Aeralind's dainty and joyful "lay-DEE bug"
Girls who smile and repeat me as I say "patience" when they fight over whose turn it is
Brother loving his ERgo
Big stars sewn for the tree pants
Derek listening to me cry miserably about Sedryn's multiple 2 hour fussy witching hours
little girls devouring spinach
needing to lift the camera more
me having a thrift store shopping date schedule with Sedryn in the morning
Girls headed hiking with daddy
weekends
Derek sending me to bed so early
Finally some good sleep
Derek graciously burping/consoling a screaming Sedryn at 1 am
feeling like I can't do it all-such grace for this independent stubborn heart!
getting more sleep than when the girls were neworns
block feeding putting feeding times down to 15 minutes or so
Yummy food still being brought to us
flannel sheets
painting little toes blue
girls who have strong opinions about potential footwear
sleep-sleep at all
doing the next thing
sorting through counting the same numbers twice
"dealing with defiance" parenting class coming at the right time
Daddy and girls walking ahnd and hand
Daddy exploring the children's museum with his girls
Terror of the elevator
How parent snuggles cure elevtor fears
being close to Love cures fears

Doing the Next Thing

2011-10-31T12:12:00.000-04:00

I stayed up too late last night.

(It was worth it though as I was talking to a dear friend and rocking an over-full fussy baby).

But that makes mornings hard. Overwhelming. Getting out of bed was not what I wanted to do.

Julia's personal motto is "I can do hard things." I was thinking about that this morning, lying in bed just wanted more sleep. Hard things are overwhelming for me. It's like looking at the whole mountain rather than grabbing on to the handhold right in front of me and getting moving.

I felt like I couldn't do hard things. Like this morning alone with three was well beyond my ability to accomplish. How to keep them all diapered and fed and the laundry caught up and heaped clean in baskets?

And then Ann's post came to mind.
And a my heart settled on my motto for the day (maybe even a life): Do the Next Thing.

And so I rise.
I feed the baby.
I collect the laundry.
I pull out and hang wet diapers.
I toss in a load.
I soothe the fussy baby.
I change little girl diapers.
I return a phone call.
I pick up some things from the messy floor.
I do the next thing.

Suddenly, I'm halfway through the morning, writing a blog post I didn't think I'd get to, and realizing that I'm almost halfway up the mountain by grasping one handhold at a time.

I can do the next thing.
By His Grace.

Counting the Graces of being given 2417-2488 "next things" to enjoy.

Baby smells
Baby noises
Bronwyn repeating me as I exclaimed "Holy cow!" after a giant Sedryn burp
Toddler halloween parade
Daddy and Aeralind playing "Where's your toes?"
Shrieks of "Toes!"
Little girls asking for me in the night
Derek working half days this first week with three
Gaining 3.5 ounces ABOVE birth weight in 8 days.
Being comfortable snuggling with Derek once again.
"Bye, bye, pun kin!" choruses when we leave the house.
Derek's help even when he's exhausted, too
A partner who does life with me shoulder to shoulder
Gratitude journal fitting perfectly in my burp cloth basket for late night feedings
3 healthy kiddos
soft strokable newborn hair
Bed time prayers with the girls as we put Sedryn to bed
Longest stretch of sleep for momma since before his birth
Tamara coming to visit with Lydia
Bronwyn and Lydia learning lessons in sharing
All 3 girls gobbling down lunch
A husband who is so helpful
5 days of meals delivered which the girls devoured--even the ones I thought they wouldn't eat!
5 sweet ladies preparing those meals
Carving the pumpkin
Power drill antics
Pumpkin Ice cream
Roasting my first set of pumpkin seeds
Little girls liking the pumpkin seeds almost as much as the ice cream
Night feedings
Chatting via email with Julia about marriage
Long naps for me and the girls and Sedryn
Close-up Derek snuggles
Sedryns tiny little stretching face
Laughing at his giant manly burps
Almost 4 hour stretch of sleep for me and Sedryn
Derek cuddling Sedryn until he fell asleep after I had tried get him to nurse both sides for 1 hour
McKayla and John entertaining and caring for the girls while I did my newborn photo session with Sedryn
Sedryn soiling 2 pairs of my pants, 4 blankets, and one laptop keyboard (it was a perfect arch!)
Laptop keyboard drying out and functioning again
Barb's chili leftover
Singing Rich Mullins with Derek on the way to the farm
Little catnap for the girls
Derek's banter in the kitchen with the women
Sedryn sleeping on Eva for over 2 hours
Eggplant Parmesan
Little girls on a hayride with daddy
Sharing stories in the kitchen
Nursing Sedryn in a quiet room free from eye pokin adoring toddlers
Bronwyn melting down from hunger and exhaustion
Little B tightly wrapping her arms around my neck
Listening to Bronwyn tell me her version of the day
Grace that the girls got on ahold of a permanent marker on the back porch and not in the house
Aeralind consenting to sit on my lap and tell me about her day
Girls who cleaned their plates and started on some of the other kiddos' plates (hysterical!)
Sedryn curled up on Nana
Ruthie coralling and changing the girls
Derek kisses in the kitchen
Everyone so exhausted from Farm Days that we were all in bed by 9:30
Gratitude journal combating the I just want to sleep blues
Yummy chili still leftover for lunch
Falling asleep at naptime
Girls super excited about a halloween festival
Not having to wait until his due date to hold Sedryn
Laughing as the girls slid out of the bounder at the festival over and over
Running to Target to spend generous gift cards from Tamara for the girl's birthday and for Sedryn
Meal from Karen where the girls gobbled down so much rice!
Karen generously and wordlessly cleaning my kitchen after supper
Karen and family joining us for supper rather than just dropping off a meal
Enjoying Karen's converastion until 11
Sleep
Girls loving their lacing beads and "Choo choo" purchased with Tamara's gift card

Laboring Home

2011-10-24T21:38:00.000-04:00

I was so grateful to experience and complete labor over a beautiful little boy this last week.

Labor and delivery were experiences that I was blessed to have since little Sedryn was a Vaginal Birth after a C-Section.

2 Corinthians 12:9 came to life so vividly for me.

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

I was so weak. So tired. So vulnerable.

But if I stayed my heart on breathing in just the grace for the moment at hand and breathing out what thanksgiving I could find, the His power was able to sustain me in my weakness.

And if thanking Him for little graces can sustain me as contractions course through my body... then thanking Him for little graces can sustain me through anything life should bring as I labor towards Home.

Thanking Him for #2388-2416 of the sweet little graces with the power to sustain me in weakness.

Little girl snuggles on either side of mommy
Breathin in empowering grace and breathing out Eucharisteo through contractions
Rochelle (my doula) being so helpf and compassionate over the phone and email
Derek able to take a sick day when I'd had hardly any sleep
Finally a couple solid nap chunks of sleep
Derek keeping such good care of the girls
Running the girls ragged on the tennis courts with sidewalk chalk and a couple of tennis balls
Yummy beets in the CSA share
Knitting taking away some pain through distraction
weakness for Him to show Himself strong in the midst
Chatting with Chanwey on Google chat
Her blessing me with perfect timed encouragement
Rochelle's gentle help
Ruthie going out of her way to care for the girls- I never worried about them once
Coming home to a freshly mopped floor on top of well cared for daughters
Debbie, my nurse. Lord, you know what you were doing when they called her in for me!
The delivery I wanted in His time.
A boy!
A good nursling
Girls being so sweet to baby
The most supportive husband ever
Derek's gentle new way of encouraging me
A healing tear
The sweet smell of a newborn head
Actually sort of enjoying night feedings alone with the boy... sometimes... when I'm not impatient
Helpful sisters- sometimes overly so!
A blessed birth experience
So many people loving on and praying for us
Snuggling in the dark with two little girls that daddy had to wake and lift out of cribs before he went to work

Little One's Birth Story: Part 2

2011-10-23T08:27:00.001-04:00

The hospital policy on admittance was to do a cervical check and then let you walk for about an hour to see how you progressed before admitting a patient. I was a little disappointed when the initial cervix check came back as 2cm and only 50% effaced. I just wanted to head home and mope. But after they got me on the wireless monitor and I set out walking, I calmed down a bit. I got into a groove of focusing through the contraction pain and I was so soothed having Derek and Rochelle right next to me rather than listening to Derek snore.

About 2 hours later they finally got around to checking me again. 4cm and 80% effaced. Woohoo! The doctor admitted me and we rejoiced in knowing that a baby would be joining our family that day.

My nurse Debbie was amazing. She overlooked me eating jello and popcicles and encouraged me to drink water (all things that anesthesia go crazy over for the "just in case" scenario). She tenderly applied my dreaded hep lock (the one concession I was still pretty hostile over.. and postponed at least 3 times). And when she and Rochelle talked about my crazy focus during contractions and I quoted 2 Corinthians 12:9, Debbie quoted scripture back. I felt very safe with my labor team, even though my least favorite doctor in the practice was the doctor on call.

So the next few hours (8-12ish), I knitted, snacked on some jello, breathed on through the contractions, and got seriously annoyed with all the forms and speeches people had to give me during contractions. Time seemed fluid, measured only in the moments of rest between focused contractions.

At noon, I got out of bed to use the restroom and decided to sit on the couch for a bit and play cards with Derek. Suddenly nurses and nurse coordinators and a few other people swarmed my room. They had seen some apparent decels with the baby's heart rate. Little one had moved off the monitor and my upright position made is so that the monitors were picking up my heart rate. To the nurses, it looked like the heart rate had dropped from 140 to 63 in the middle of a contraction. They hustled me to the bed, made me lie down on my left side (insert triple the amount of painful contractions!), and hurriedly tried to find his heart tones again. I remember squeezing Rochelle's hand in terror knowing the baby was okay (I could feel him!) and struggling to cope with the pain lying down. The doctor walked in and I knew this was the defining moment of my VBAC. If he saw this incident as decels... I was going to be wheeled into the OR that instance.

He reviewed my contraction patterns and calmly requested to check my cervix. I was 8cm, fully effaced, 0 station. He shrugged off the 'crisis' and wished me luck as I entered transition. Praise God!

Derek left the room to eat, knowing the baby would be here soon and he didn't need to have low blood sugar. I started to doubt my decision to go all-natural. So far, outside of the crisis, labor had been rather uneventful and not nearly as painful as I had been led to believe. But I knew transition and pushing were ahead of me... I asked Rochelle to describe what was coming up. I knew this was the turning point. If I didn't get the epidural now... I wouldn't be able to get it when I was pushing.

Derek came back after having eaten his Hot Pockets and I made him brush his teeth. I was so hungry... I couldn't handle the thought of food and I knew eating now would probably make me nauseous. The contraction tempo started to change. They were still 3-5 minutes apart but the first one would be pretty easy while the second one would be long and monsterous. Little one was still trying to dodge the heart monitor so every so often we'd have to move that monitor to find him again.

And then came the overwhelming urge to use all my stomache muscles to bear down during a contraction. I triumphantly called out that I had the urge to push! Debbie checked me, called the doctor, and I was given the okay to push.

Pushing was hard. I didn't want to move from my back. Derek and Rochelle held my legs, but I just couldn't open up and surrender. My focus on His Grace was being lost. Rochelle held that baby heart monitor in the one place that it would pick up his heartbeat for almost 2 hours as I unsuccessfully pushed in that position. She was amazing. Derek held my hand and told me over and over how proud he was. I was feeling pretty great about what was going on until my sweet nurse Debbie walked in and turned on me (or so I thought).

Debbie stood at the foot of the bed and demanded that I get up and pee to empty my bladder and clear up some room for that baby. I told her I couldn't. She put her hands firmly on her hips and told me that I would. She said "Honey, if you don't get out of that bed, change positions, and get serious about pushing that baby out, then, we'll have to cut it out." I could have thrown my hospital bed at her I was so ticked. I squared my jaw and waited through two really hard contractions stifling the urge to push before waddling my tail to the bathroom just to defy Debbie.

There was no urine in there. But a monster contraction hit while I sat. Derek squatted in front of me whispering encouragement and I couldn't help but push hard. Suddenly, my water broke. The relief was immediate. Debbie tried to hustle me back to bed, but I sat and pushed through at least one more contraction.

I crawled up on the bed finally and assumed a sort of crouching lion position, just trying to rest. Another massive contraction began and Debbie went out of the room. I arched my back and pushed hard. I felt the ring of fire; I felt the skin stretch.

"I'm crowning!" I yelled. I'm not even sure the nurses got there to guide baby to the bed as I pushed that baby out below me. Little one plopped down below and I could only see the bottom parts.

"It's a boy." I said in quizzical amazement as all contractions subsided. I heard him crying and the commotion of Derek cutting the cord. The doctor finally arrived and they flipped me over and stitched me up as I held Rochelle's hand and watched Derek and the nurses with my son. Sweet Debbie stood over me and massaged my tummy to respect my request not to have pitocin. I smiled up at her grateful for her tough love c-section speech.

I finally got to hold my strong little boy with his double 9 apgar scores.

Welcome to our home, Sedryn Justice Colton!

Thank you, Lord, for so much of your grace in this process.

Little One's Birth Story: Part 1

2011-10-22T14:38:00.001-04:00

As I'm sure I've expressed over the past few weeks... I was so tired of being pregnant. But as anxious as I was to be done, I was also pretty fearful of how delivery would occur.

When I was pregnant with the girls and realized that it was almost certain that I would have a c-section, I wrote this post. I truly wanted to have an unmedicated homebirth. Now while the c-section was not altogether a terrible experience (I did get the most amazing pair of baby girls!), it did complicate my wishes for this birth. In my state (and the two states neighboring me close enough to drive to), I cannot be attended by a midwife as a Vaginal Birth after C-Section (VBAC) patient. That resigned me to another hospital birth attended by OBs. All of this was very disappointing to discover, but I took a deep breath, asked Jesus to guide my decisions toward this birth, and entrusted the results to his hands.

I switched OB providers to the local practice that was widely recommended by other VBAC hopefuls and successes. That practice also happened to deliver at a hospital with wireless monitors, a laboring tub, and a decent rate of VBAC success (especially compared to the 40-60% c-section rate with my old provider/hospital combination). The practice was small and with only 4 doctors who all said the same things about my VBAC, I continued to prayerfully have hope.

I wrote out a lengthy birth preference plan and hired an amazing doula-in-training whose name is Rochelle. And then I waited (rather impatiently) on the Lord's and Little One's timing.

Monday October 17th, labor began. S.......l......oooooo.....w......l.......y. I had decently painful contractions about every 5-8 minutes. I called Rochelle to let her know. I called "Aunt" Ruthie to let her know she might be needed to spend the night with the girls. And I waited. Around 11-12 I was pretty consistently 5 minutes apart so we told Ruthie to come on over and sleep in our bed. Around 1 we laid down for a little rest. And over the course of the next 2-3 hours everything fizzled out to about every 20 minutes. Rochelle called to encourage me that oftentimes VBAC patients had longer early labors and gave me some amazing times for coping.

By 9am, nothing was happening at all. I went to sleep from 9-11 and again from 1-3. That afternoon we took the girls to a tennis court and ran them ragged with sidewalk chalk and a pair of tennis balls. At a little past 8, I crawled in bed to sleep hopefully a long good night.

By 9pm on the October 18th, it was quite apparent that I would not be sleeping the whole night. The contractions had started again and were about 20 minutes apart and painful enough that I couldn't sleep. I came downstairs and knitted until 11:00 when we decided we'd go lie down to sleep. I could not tolerate contractions lying down. They hurt a hundred times worse because I tensed up. So I sat up in bed for an hour breathing in grace, breathing out eucharisteo (thanksgiving that He was sustaining me) and casually timing the contractions. They were consistently 5 minutes apart. Eventually, I went down to the computer. I was exhausted from not sleeping much the night before... and very frustrated that it looked like I wasn't going to sleep again that evening.

My dear friend Chanwey, who was blessed to have a vaginal birth with her sweet twins, happened to be on Google Chat. Her words of encouragement to me from 11-12 were a wonderful type of grace sweetly received at just the right time. Thank you for being available, sweet sister!
At around 1, I moved back to the couch to knit in the dark. Around 2, I tried to lay down again. I just could not labor in that position. I finally sat up against a couple pillows on the headboard and practiced breathing in His Grace (for its power is perfect in my weakness) and breathing out thanksgiving for everything I could think of. I dozed between the contractions. Around 3, Derek woke and I asked him to make me a smoothie which I gratefully chugged. Around 4:30, I woke him to discuss whether or not to go into the hospital. We decided that the worst that could happen would be that I would wake Rochelle and Ruthie and then get sent back home... but I was more than ready for change in scenery so we decided it was time.

We called our support ladies, gathered up our gear, and headed to the hospital. We arrived on a dark cold windy morning to an empty maternity ward around 5am. The nurses were excitedly preparing for shift change...

Late Night Wakings Redeemed

2011-10-17T14:14:00.000-04:00

I wake up in the night. It's probably the fifth trip I've made to the restroom since I went to bed 4 hours ago.

Things are not getting easier.

I almost want to complain.

But the truth is my body is working hard with the Creator to make someone new.

I find myself praying as I climb back into bed and rearrange all the pillows to find one comfortable spot.

"Thank You, Lord, the Little One is crazy wiggly."

"Thank You, Jesus, that Derek will let me stay in bed until it's time for him to leave."

"Thank You, that I can't do this without You... that your strength is made perfect in my weakness."

And I slowly drift off, counting blessings instead of sheep.

Until the next restroom break and opportunity to give thanks.

2369-2387 things that I can thank Him for... even in the middle of the night.

"picnic" lunch with my ladies bible study group
Laughing as my girls think the older boys running around the room are running from them
Worn out girls
Spontaneous run to Hobby Lobby
Hysterical: how much those girls love Hobby Lobby!
Knitting a newborn photography wrap (or 3 so far...)
Ruthie watching the girls for my weekly OB appointment
Finding the girls wearing perfect plastic trash bag smocks and gleefully playing on a chair and step stool in the water fountains
Only Aunt Ruthie would do such a thing :)
Hearing Aeralind say "Bye, bye, Ruthie!"
Two word sentences
Derek staying home for a coup of extra hours while my body once again did a spontaneous colon cleanse
So much fun at the UMOM fall party at the orchard
Bronwyn so excited about seeing spiders on the hay ride that she squeaked every time she saw one
Girl's picking out their very own 'pukins!'
Snuggling with a strangely feverish Bronwyn and reading about her favorite Busy Spider
Happy Aeralind running around with her daddy in the back yard
So much yard and housework accomplished by my husband
Little girls holding each others' hands while we pray before meals

Mama Loves: DownEast Basics

2011-10-11T08:00:00.001-04:00

I'm 5'10".

Being a tall girl isn't so bad... except all of my extra height is in my torso. I sometimes literally walk on the ends of "average" length jeans. And if I fold my body in half... my head is centimeters from my toes (yes, I can do that... when I'm not bending over a baby bump!).

I have a way longer than average torso. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but it is.

Especially if you like wearing low to mid rise jeans (rather than "mom" jeans) and absolutely hate bending over chasing toddlers and sunburning your lower back. Or that cold draft when your shirt raises in the back in the winter. Or even worse: the dreaded "plumber's crack". Eek!

For years, I've suffered all of these terrible fates wearing the fitted tee's and tanks from such esteemed places as Target, Old Navy, Gap. Nothing could prevent my lower back (or sometimes my tummy after an accidental hot wash) from being exposed.

And then one day I stumbled on DownEast Basics. It was much the same as you're probably stumbling on it now: some blogger was talking about it. I skipped on over to their catalog and noticed something about their basic tees and tanks.

They said they have extra long length.

And at Target/Old Navy prices, I thought: "What have I got to lose giving them a try?"

So I ordered a few.

Good bye forever long torso woes: you've met your match.

Seriously, these shirts are extra long length.

Here's me at 37+ weeks pregnant wearing a DownEast Wonder Tee. A little short now... but I wore them until I really rounded out.

And just for a comparison... here's an average length Old Navy tee thrown on top. (and me caught in mid-sentence...)

Did I mention they really are that long? My tanks even stay tucked in my pants keeping me warm all winter!

However, the extra long length rule only seems to apply consistently to the Tanks and Tees (minus the Pretty and Demi tees). The coveted length seems to be hit or miss with all their other tops (which are always super cute, stylish, and very comfortable despite their length), but I have a closet full of layering basics that keep me covered.

And for that I am thankful!

Oh and for you Mama's of older girls: they have a great girl section too... I'm excited to graduate into 2T next spring!

Reality Check: You're Not Alone

2011-10-10T15:38:00.000-04:00

She states it slow and steady, "Sometimes we just feel alone..." her eyes glance on mine.
"Don't look at me!" I cry and reach awkwardly for the tissue box as the dam breaks.

Motherhood is lonely. Long hours. Little thanks. Constant comparison.

But worse still: the silence.

Women holding in their struggles because we're all so caught up in perfectionism: the appearance of all things good.

That appearance is enough to make us believe the lie: that we're alone- uncared for.

It's the lie we met at the beginning and believed: "Did God really say?" Is He withholding something from the that I need? Withholding care. Withholding friends. Withholding the prefect marriage and perfectly obedient children that everyone else appears to have. Is He withholding good things?
_________________________________________________

Two days later the tears have dried. The truth is slowly beating the lie.

Lacey stands before the room talking about Risk. About the risk of being vulnerable- of sharing reality.

The Risk of breaking that window of perfectionism so that we can see the beauty of Christ growing us refracted in the shards of our truly broken realities.
Counting #2334-2368 of the millions of Good Things God NEVER withholds.

Grace for the moment
Diane hugs
Hormonal tears
Hugs and snuggles when I pick the girls up from nursery
Girls playing with and talking about a rubber "'nake" that grandma found at the lake
Flower from Ruthie with a sweet encouraging note
Complicated hairdo for Bronwyn to keep her hair from getting into her runny nose- so cute!

A super supportive doula
More applesauce canned
Apple Cider from Purdue's
Painted toes
Still being able to reach my toes
Laughing at girl antics
Bronwyn blowing raspberries to demand I draw an elephant on her doodle pad
Snuggling on the couch watching TV with Derek
Listening to the harmonic from little lips
Lacey challenging us ot Risk
God's timing in my heart with her talk
Praying for Julia when I felt the tug of the Holy Spirit
Hearing her tell what struggle I prayed with her through
Risking a little with Mandy. SO glad I did
Heather over to play
Girls and Ashton playing with cars
Two girls insisting on playing in one crib after a nap
Being informed we were going in our "seat" in the "gar" to the "bark" rather than the afternoon walk I had planned
Joy in following their plans
Grace from Derek after we drove a long way to a pumpkin festival and I was too weak and contract-y to walk the mile or so to the fair ground
Girls young enough not to be disappointed by a giant pumpkin house. They didn't notice the difference between that an a field of pumpkins
Free kids meals at IHOP after 4 :)
Resting in bed an hour and a half after the rest of the house woke up
Laughter as girls climbed all over daddy
Laughing at little girl antics- running around with clear buckets on their heads
Weakness
Strength made perfect in weakness
Apple Butter and cream cheese cookie sandwiches
An extra day with Derek
Aeralind bouncing in an inflatable at a festival- un-phased by kids two times her size knocking her over

Little girls playing in a pool of bubbles

Bronwyn listening when we told her that continuing to rub her eye would just get more soap in it.
Aeralind holding sister's hand unprompted as Bronwyn blinks back soap tears in the car seat

Little One's Nursery

2011-10-08T15:00:00.000-04:00

Little One's Nursery is finally finished! Except for a broken drawer slide that we're getting fixed. :( But since Little One could come any day now, I thought I'd go ahead and blog about the space. My original design board can be seen here and I'm super excited about how that little design board poured creativity into this space :)

I'm very proud of the handmade love in this room and would love to tell you about each little element in detail. But if you're not so detail oriented you can just skip reading the following section and enjoy the photos. It won't hurt my feelings :)

Curtains

I ended up choosing Premier Prints ZigZag in Village Blue for the curtain fabric. It did seem a little more gender neutral than my other option and I really love the zigzag effect. I'm actually wishing the window in my bedroom was the same size so I could inherit them when Little One upgrades to a big kid room.

The curtains are unlined with tab tops. Basically it's just a simple rectangle with hems: totally my type of mindless sewing project :)

One of our favorite little touches was finding this nifty bird curtain rod at one of the local home improvement stores (Lowes, I think?). I'm pretty sure that all bedrooms will have this rod before we're finished decorating.

Wingback Chair and Accessories

Our neighbor gave us this wingback chair when they bought new furniture. There was nothing wrong with the piece structurally and it's actually a decent solid color blue with some fading. But we had no place where it truly fit in, and I wasn't a fan of the formal look that wingback chairs have.

And then one day I stumbled onto this video tutorial series on Slipcovering a Wingback chair from Miss Mustard Seed. Perfect! I was super intimidated by the whole process of slipcovering and I have been for years. My furniture is all mis-mosh side of the road finds and I've wanted to make it match, but the price of slipcovers and the scariness of messing up all that expensive fabric scared me! But for this chair, I thought that giving it a try with about $25 worth of drop cloth was totally worth it.

To say I'm actually surprised by how easy this was is an understatement. It was a pretty intense project with scraps and bits and pins and piping everywhere, but it wasn't hard. And even though it's nowhere near perfect, I'm totally ready to jump into slipcovering my other furniture.... once life settles down a bit. ;)

Pillows

I wanted some pillows to go with the chair both to use my favorite accent fabric, Premier Prints Hooty Owl Village Blue, and also to be able to give some support to my lower back while nursing. Both square pillow forms were given to us with a couch from the same generous neighbor as the wing back chair. They're simple envelop style covers with leftover piping from the wingback chair.

The roll pillow is actually a rectangle form that I stuffed into a round pillow. I made that pillow by cutting a rectangle from the leftover zigzag fabric, sewing it into a cylinder while leaving a hole for stuffing in the form, and then gathering both ends. It's not exactly what I envisioned, but I does provide ample lower back support!

Lamp

I hate turning on the big light to nurse, so we got this little lamp. I simply painted it Sherwin Williams Morning Fog and ModPodged some cut out owls on it. The side table is actually a patio table that we've had for years. Simple, and serves it's purpose :)

Dresser and Accessories
Oh, we wanted to build a dresser so badly for this room! We wanted to give the baby a little heirloom piece to pass down. But when we crunched numbers and found out that lumber alone would cost about $100 and we'd still need a few tools, paint, and stain... sight. We ended up getting this dresser off Craigslist. (Just a side note: dresser shopping on Craigslist when your budget is $50 or under is so frustrating! No one gets back to you if they've already sold the dresser.)

This dresser actually wasn't terribly bad to begin with. It had lots of dings and scratches (character), but was of a uniform color, had all of it's knobs, and had good bones. I especially liked the little etching on the front. It looks like tree leaves to me. The only real problem was one beat up drawer slide that we're getting replaced: hence, the currently missing drawer ;) Not bad for $40!

We took her outside and stripped the top of stain. Derek and I actually really enjoyed that process. It was smelly... but we had a blast destroying something to make it better. After stripping, we primed and painted the bottom and drawer fronts. The final color is Sherwin Williams Morning Fog. It's a really great neutral gray. Then, I stained and polyurethane-ed the top with an Antique Walnut Stain (I got it at walmart... too lazy to go look at it for the name brand). Finally, I took a little brush and with some blue acrylic mixed with Morning Fog, I highlighted the fun etching.

Changing Pad Cover

When I saw this fabric, I knew it belonged in this room! It's Wrenly Mama Birds by Valorie Wells, and it had a Mama bird with three little babies in parts. This is actually the only piece leftover from the quilt backing and it was the perfect size to cover this little changing pad. I just rounded the rectangle, sewed a casing along the edges, and threaded through some elastic. Easy :)

Fabric Basket

I absolutely love the fabric basket in the girls room. It was purchased, but it's the perfect thing to hold wipes and creams. I still had owl and zigzag scraps left, so I gave I decided to make one. I loosely followed this tutorial and love how it came out! It's a little floppy, but it'll serve it's purpose and, unlike the girl's basket, it's completely washable when that inevitable 'accident' happens!

Owl Bird Art

Sadly, the lovely Owl and Birch Tree vinyl art was waaaaay outside of our budget. We couldn't make it work. So I had to get creative with making wall art. The Owls and zigzags here are simply adhered to scrap plywood cut to size by my sweet husband. A few picture frame hangers later and we had some art!

Owl Book

My sweet friend Mandy made this with my final owl fabric scraps. It's filled with notes and prayers from the ladies who attended my shower for Little One. It's it such a sweet idea?!

Owl Print

Mandy also commissioned a friend to make this adorable Owl print for the nursery. All those finger print leaves belong to people who love and are praying for Little One. Can you tell Mandy totally spoiled me and Little One at the shower?!

Crib and Accessories
Like I mentioned in my design post, we have a borrowed Ikea Crib. It seems a little longer than American cribs and the mattress is definitely longer. If you get one of these, beware!, jersey sheets are the the only thing that will fit! If it weren't a borrowed crib... I probably would have painted it a fun color... ;)

Little Owl

Another friend at the shower, Heather, made this little guy! Isn't he adorable? The girls are in love with him!

Quilt

I initially thought I'd use the Hooty Owls, but since it's home decorator fabric, it's a little rough for a quilt. After I stumbled on Valorie Wells' Wrenly line, I knew that I needed to use that for my quilt! I grabbed a fat quarter set of cobalt, and a couple yards of Mama Birds for the backing and got to work.

I used a pretty simple pattern from Sew4Home, and I pretty much copied their quilting lines. This quilt top came together in about 3 hours and I think the whole quilt only took about 6-7 with binding (as usual) being the hardest part. I pieced all my leftovers from the fat quarters onto the back to add a little interest. :)

Tiny Rocker

This was another amazing gift from my neighbors. It's so adorable.

Bird Mobile

I had some small scraps left from the fat quarters and I was set on making this bird mobile. I had wanted to do it for the girls. Although the vinyl art was not in our budget, a package of stuffing and a couple packages of hooks were totally in the budget. I didn't have anything to lose except $10. So I went for it. And I love it. Hearing the girls shriek, "Burd! Burd!" makes it totally worth it!

Outlet Covers

Once we painted the room in Sherwin Williams Lemon Meringue, it became very apparent that the black plastic outlet covers were not going to match very well. Since we'd already spent a lot of money on this room, I was feeling too cheap to buy new covers. I started by attempting to paint them... but the paint just peeled right off... So I researched on the web a little and learned I could ModPodge fabric onto them. Brilliant! They may be one of my favorite accidental details in the whole room :)

October

2011-10-03T20:33:00.000-04:00

I can't tell you how glad I am that it's finally October. September was amazing and chock full of blessings. But it was busy busy busy! My family came Labor day weekend. Julia and her family were here Labor Day Week. The following weekend was the girls birthday party. The next week was filled with all the necessary doctors appointments (OB, Well Checks). Then, Derek's parents stopped in for the weekend before moving on to Georgia. Derek worked a crazy week of overtime while his boss was out of town. Then Derek's parents returned for most of the last week in September. Meanwhile, I'm trying to finish a nursery, edit a twin newborn session, and sleep when Little One lets me!

October came in slow meandering across the evening like the cold front that brought it in.

And we have soaked it up.
Picking apples.

Drinking hot cider and chocolate.
Canning apple sauce, butter, and jams.
Snuggling under covers.
Enjoying the back yard.
And mostly just wondering at how big, adorable, and suddenly talkative these girls have become over the course of the last month.

I am so blessed.
I can't wait to see what the rest of October brings.
Counting the bounty from a crazy September: 2304-2333 of the thousands of gifts He gives.

Girls sleeping until 8:30 after a long night for mommy
Not throwing up this time
Aeralind climbing out of the crib on her own (after sleep sack removal and with my permission) to join ill mommy in hte bathroom
Aeralind lifting my shirt to kiss my tummy when I said it hurt
Bronwyn bringing cups from the kitchen
First sheet fort on a rainy day
Bronwyn's sense of order-making me tie on Cricket's Scarf
Crazy long nap for ehausted momma
Catydid on the window at night
Mandy putting so much heart and effort into my shower! I felt so valued
Laughter at Katie and Chanwey's stories at the shower
Being surrounded by people I love and love me
Deck stained
Aeralind conduction a zoo trip "Bye bye, gibbons", "Bye bye, 'eopards." and marching on!
Full sentences!! Finally (even if they are hard to understand!
Finding out my kids aren't the only ones who think home improvement stores are a playground
Snuggling with Bronwyn after an epic face plant
Best pie cruste I've ever made
Sleeping in until 8:30
Photographing Sarah's twins
Beautiful babies
Enough money in net profits to order a macro lens :)
Bronwyn begging to snuggle with mommy in the morning
Family snuggles and the cold front that makes it possible
Learning new PSE skills
The joy of the girls playing in their new Rock Box
The simple pleasure of hearing the girls rejoice over a cupcake or bird or elephant ~~no matter how badly~~ drawn on their doodle pads
Just enough fabric leftover to sew a changing pad cover
Generous shower gifts
A slow Sunday after a month of chaos
Cool weather making sleep easier
Apple Picking, Eating, and Riding in Wagons.

In bags?

2011-09-20T08:42:00.002-04:00

I walked into Old Navy yesterday morning intent on letting the girls spend $10 apiece in their birthday money from grandparents and also replacing a pair of borrowed maternity pants that I ripped a hole in accidently last week. They've redone the closest Old Navy store so I asked the staff:

Me: "Where do I get a cart?"
Lady: "We don't have carts anymore, but we do have bags."
Me: (Pointing at my twins who were petting their fake dog manikin while woofing and squealing loudly.) "I don't think I can cart around my toddler twins in bags."

Let's just say we didn't spend our money there yesterday....

Why would they do away with carts? It makes no sense to me...

Slowing

2011-09-19T14:57:00.000-04:00

My fingers tap keys slow.

I am weary.

I am weak.

We've been fighting a blessedly minor cold for about 5 days now. Mommy's been down too.

My in-laws were here for a bit and what little energy I had left was drained.

Sweet Aeralind is having emotional breakdowns at the lunch table and I can't yet discern if it's a discipline issue or her own outburst of exhaustion.

My stomach is stretched and filled and my joints are sore in the carrying. I've never carried a baby longer than this and am having trouble fathoming the next month or so.

All day long my silent or verbal prayer is: Please give me grace for this moment.

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more greatly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Counting slowly and in weakness the 2267 - 2303 graces that He has provided.

Coming to end of myself and begging constantly for the grace to make it through this next moment
Aeralind lying across my sore back as I crouch on the floor
Exhausted pregnant and post-nasal drip body keeping up, by grace, with crazy toddler twins (who barely slow down for sickness!)
Finally fixing my leaking tire
A good stretch of sleep despite numerous wakings
Girls able to put their shoes back on
Laughter
A Derek clean kitchen
Nice lady at Publix who stopped her car to tell me "You nave is so adorable!" Always appreciated after a bazillion negative "You, are you going to have your hands full soon!" comments.
Talking to the mother of 50 year old identical girls in the Publix checkout line.
Being able to bless Andy and Rachelle with hand-me-downs
Aeralind starting to eat again- she must be feeling better
The three of us drinking EmergenC "tea" from teacups
Making scones with the girls for Auntie Jenn
Visiting with Jenn. It's always like no time has passed and very deep
"Tea" and scones with Jenn
Laughing as girls perfectly poured water in tea cups but kept forgetting to quit pouring when the cup was full.
Bronwyn thinking long and hard about whether to disobey me and go to the front yard
Her making the right choice
Sleep sacks requested before each nap
Aeralind's sweet good-by hugs for Jenn
"Physco" baby's near constant movement and apparent head down positioning
So many new words daily
Homemade roasted pepper, Parmesan, and, olive oil wit a touch of rosemary pest- so good!
The surprising yumminess of Kale Chips
Publix yogurt
Hunting down rags that the girls used to clean walls, windows, and each other
Aeralind smearling oatmeal in her hair and grinning proud
Colds weathered well
Quiet moring with Derek's mom
Girls loving on Granpa
Reverse dinner- ice cream for appetizer
Yummy dinner when finally completed
Early momma bedtime and full night of sleep
Spending Birthday money on yummy fabric to make the girls winter dresses
Crazy girls crawling under bolts of fabric steering and joyfully squealing about their "Gar!" (car)
Aeralind turning to climb successfully down from the changing table and repeating me perfectly as I called her a "Pyscho Wiggle" Hysterical.

Learning from Julia

2011-09-14T13:11:00.004-04:00

Julia and I are very different. I've known that for a long time.

She drinks coffee: I can't stand the stuff.
She uses antibacterial wipes: I think I have one jar of free-to-me gel in my car... maybe.
She gets up at 5:30 to work out 2-3 times a week: I have to discipline myself to go swimming once the girls are up and am lucky to do it once a week.
She showers and looks polished most days (including nail polish and make-up): I wash my hair with baking soda and am thrilled to get 3 showers a week (make up and nail polish are icing on the cake!)
Her vegetables probably grow in well maintained rows: Mine are in haphazard heaps inside a cinder block plot.
Her yard is lovely and filled with flowers: My yard is sadly on the bottom of my list of things to even think about getting to (and has a pile of brush the size of a compact car that I'm lovingly calling the "marriage breaker").
Her kiddos don't eat fast food: mine probably eat it once a month.
She does Hadley and Brynne's hair most mornings: My girls only get their hair done if they ask or if we're going out (think Cousin It).
She was raised in a home that preached the gospel: I'm still trying to figure out how to do this.
Julia gates off quite a few portions of her house including her kitchen: I'm often found in the kitchen with my girls mopping, wiping down walls, or even handing me clean dishes to put away.
The girls and Julia still love their stroller: I pretty much retired my stroller when the girls were able to walk well and I could carry one in the Ergo while holding the others' hand.

There's no judgment in writing down these differences... we just do things differently: we "do what works" for us. We're just different people and I knew this when I accepted Brad's sweet idea of surprising her by flying her here for vacation.

Having Julia and Brad here for a week brought some of these differences into sharp contrast. Seeing each other just live and raise children was very eye opening (in a good way!). I've learned a lot just watching Julia and Brad that I'd like to apply to my daily living. Here's a small list so I don't forget.

1. Always pack extra diapers. An extra set of clothes is nice, too.
2. Designate a diaper bag packer. If both of us think the other did it.... odds are neither did ;)
3. Strollers are a great option if you want to just talk and not worry about toddlers running a muck.
4. A glass of wine (or a few sips in my case) after dinner is a beautiful conversation stimulator.
5. Sleep sacks can be used for more than just warmth.
6. Toddler tears in public are okay and can be handled with great grace.
7. Be generous with what you have.
8. Sometimes its okay to let yourself be surprised... especially when your spouse is super excited.
9. Disciplining for throwing food off the table really would work (it had never crossed my mind!).
10. Not all toddlers are as strangely physically adept as my girls, and it's unfair to expect them to be so!

But I think the biggest thing that having Julia and Brad here taught me is about one of the biggest sins in my own heart: partiality. I sit back hiding behind genuine introversion because I'm judging or jealous of what others have.

James 2

The Sin of Partiality

¹My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. ²For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, ³and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, "You sit here in a good place," while you say to the poor man, "You stand over there," or, "Sit down at my feet," ⁴have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? ⁵Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? ⁶But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? ⁷Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called?

⁸If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing well. ⁹But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. ¹⁰For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. ¹¹For he who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder." If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. ¹²So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. ¹³For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Obviously, my sin is not to faun over the rich man like those in the church James wrote to. No, I withdraw emotionally from the person who lives a richer or very different lifestyle from my own. I sit back and scold them for spending money 'frivolously'. Or wonder why on earth they won't let their toddlers just play on the playground without their constant interference. I judge them for not doing things the way they work out for me. And I'm wrong.

Honestly, if I had met Julia in person rather than in the blogosphere, I'm not sure either of us would have given the other a second chance. But we've become close and valued friends because of two very strong connections: We love the Lord and long to serve Him.... and we're both twin mommas. :)

How sad of would it be for me to have missed out on this precious friendship, because of the hardened sin in my own heart!

Lord, please reshape my heart to be more merciful to those who live differently than I do.

Twin Mom Terror Words

2011-09-13T08:57:00.001-04:00

There are two words that strike fear into the hearts of twin mom's everywhere. Mom's of singles don't even flinch at these words. In fact, I've often heard them say "It was so easy!" Right....

Honestly, I'm scared to type them for fear of running of my fellow twin mom followers :-p

But I'll do it... only because I know you'll need me to an example for you.

Hold your breath... here I go:

Toddler Beds. (or big kid beds of any kind).

Sweet mom's of singles, I've heard your stories of how your

"toddler didn't even know they could climb out."
"Didn't phase them at all."
"Had a couple rough nights and naps, but after that she/he understood that bedtime was bedtime."

Oh, but I've never heard anything like that from a twin mom. No, my twin mom friends who are ahead of me said stuff like:

"Toddler beds are worse than potty training!!!"
"I've had to sit in there for 3 hours not talking to them and just putting them back in bed."
"We took everything out of their room except their beds, and reversed the door knob to lock them in. It still takes them 2 hours to fall asleep."
"Melissa, do everything you can to avoid that transition. Buy crib tents. Duct tape their legs together. Wait until they're four!"

No, lie... I've heard all of that.

So a long time ago, I resolved that my girls would be in their cribs until they were three and longer if they were content.

Almost three weeks ago Aeralind learned to climb out.

She wasn't even two yet! It's not a fall... it's a controlled rock climbing excursion that I can hardly even hear from downstairs right below her.

The same day she mastered the art of door knobs.

Crib tents are out of my budget. Bronwyn isn't climbing out or even close (surprisingly) so why should I put them both in toddler beds? To top it off... Aeralind can't climb back in once she's out.

Did I mention I'm expecting a baby in about 6 weeks and there is no way that I'm going to be fighting her to stay in bed for 30+ minutes at nap time, when I'm going to want that nap myself?!

The first night of her new found skills, she threw all of her bedding in her sister's crib and then ran into the nursery where we had stashed a peck of apples and proceeded to take one bite out of 7 different apples. Daddy caught her (I was out) returning an apple to a squealing Bronwyn.

The next night she received discipline for each climbing out. She didn't dare climb out at the beginning of naps, but if I waited too long to get her up from a nap she'd climb out and party/torture sleeping sister.

By week two, things were looking good. We thought we had won the war.

We were wrong: we'd just won battle number one. Poor Aeralind comes climbing down the stairs at 9pm one night nearly in tears because she's so tired and embarrassed and can't get herself back in bed. The next night she stood outside her door until daddy saw her and mumbled ashamedly "Daddy, ca ca (poop)." He changed her and put her back down.

Bright and early (7am!) on her birthday morning, we hear her door open, and watch as she gleefully pulls the stool out from under our bed and climbs up to join us.

Um,....this is not okay (even if it is so stinking adorable!).

Suddenly, I remembered a conversation with Julia during her visit, that went something like this:
"Brad asked me when were were going to stop putting the girls in sleep sacks and I said 'Never!' I don't want them climbing out of their cribs." The next moment one of our girls flew by doing something crazy and the conversation ended.

I could make a sleep sack. We could give that a try. Aeralind can't climb out if she can't put her leg next to her ear and pull up on it... right?

Momma! I can't believe you're doing this to me!

So for her birthday... she got a cute purple ~~straight jacket~~ sleep sack (Bronwyn did too).


I guess I'll just go to sleep. Sigh.

It looks like the tide of the war might be turning in my favor....

for now.

Birthday Week Stay-cation

2011-09-12T15:47:00.000-04:00

Birthday stay-cation week has come and gone. The girls and I are missing Derek (and my family, and Brad, Julia, Brynne, and Hadley) as we go it alone once again. It was a wonderful week full of so many blessings and even some hard eucharisteo. But I'm grateful and I'll let the gifts speak for themselves.

2210- of the ways that God showed He loved us this week.

Brad managing to pull of his surprise for Julia and getting her down here to visit with us without her ever having caught on! 8+ months of planning a success for him!
4 toddler girl twins roaming in my living room
Hadley's excitement about the boat in the pool
Aeralind swimming all the way across the pool all on her own!
Brynne and Bronwyn struggling through their own pool disappointment but coming out smiling
Extra long naps
Guys going shopping while girls stayed home and chatted
Wandering slow and face to fact through grace and marriage and family
Laughing again about the Maggots
My girls sharing grapes with Julia's girls
Pizza outside while the rain held up
Walking, running, and squealing through the park
Bronwyn running back to keep checking on Brynne and Brad and smiling
Hadley running back and forth between me and her momma, grinning as I tickled her
Failed attempts to get all four girls to sit on a swing and look at a camera
Aeralind lying on bench swings and asking to "wock"
Being present while while two tired toddlers sing Skinamarinky dinky dink "eye lub you!" to me and Derek
Night time hugs
Worn out babies and parents
Long nights
Husband warm and curled around me in pain
Clean and empty tummy and bowels
The body's ability to cleanse itself
Julia, Brad, and girls having a morning to themselves while I recovered
Cool air and warm sunshine
Beautiful wooden rocking horse give to us by our moving neighbor
Bronwyn yelling "neigh!" and Aeralind repeating "wock" as they ride their new horse
Quiet morning of shopping alone
Little Aeralind climbing down the stairs at 9pm so apologetic that she was unable to climb back into her crib to sleep
Girls pulling newly stained stool out from under our bed to snuggle with us under the sheets
Taking pictures of Julia's family at the park

The perfect little birthday party: small and including all of the girls favorit things (spaghetti, the pool, owls, cupcakes, sugar)
Pefectly half-frozen slushie textured soda. I never drink soda and it was so good!
Watching Bronwyn sip Ruthie's soda slushie. Her cold face was hysterical!
Aeralind scared of blowing out her candle.
Bronwyn gleefully blowing out both candles.
Toddler running laps around chairs squealing, panting, and falling.
Aeralind climbing out of her crib, standing quietly in the hallway until daddy saw her. Her whispering "Daddy, ca ca." (poop). So sweet.
Little girls cleaning windows and walls and tables with rags.
New birthday morning tradition: Birthday Tea!

Girls enjoying sips of watered down and milked up with a dash of sugar tea
Birthday omletes
Half a cupcake with breakfast
Aeralind climbing in our bed shortly after she woke up- annoying, but oh so sweet.
Derek being home for over a week
Getting a morning showering instead of a naptime shower multiple times this week.
Million of daddy changed diapers: what sweet sacrifice!
Perfect birthday morning at the park
Girls transfixed and delighted by being surrounded by ducks, geese, and pigeons as they tossed bread.

A hysterical impromptu romp in the fountains
Probably some of the last running around semi-naked moments caught on camera

Super surprise visit from Jen and Abel.
Seeing Aeralind be bashful
Watching Bronwyn love on Jen
Momma made sleep sacks
Missing Derk now that he's at work-- he's beyond helpful and so amazing!
Hearing wisdom preached.

Two Years

2011-09-11T20:35:00.000-04:00

I've been a Momma for two years now. I've cared for two little newborns who have grown into semi-independent toddlers.

Let me tell you the truth: it never gets easier, it just get different (and sometimes in more bearable ways than others).

Each day is always a direct affront to my selfishness and a quiet invitation to humility when I can't do it alone.

Each day lasts an eternity in its myriad of little crisis and discoveries, but each month or year passes in a blink.

Each day is filled with opportunities to build up my girls in discipline, in love, in joy or to tear them down with my own frustration, criticism, and ingratitude.

Each day is hard.

But each day is a miracle filled with one thousand gifts.

Aeralind Grace and Bronwyn Hope, thank you for shaping me for His Glory.

A Week of Fun

2011-09-09T11:42:00.000-04:00

We've had quite the fun week here on our birthday week stay-cation. I'll probably write a bit more later, but right now I just wanted to say that we're missing these sweet girls. I'm so glad they came to visit!

Resignation

2011-09-05T14:04:00.000-04:00

I run razor across legs to remove growth that was not there mere days ago. Half-awake, a sudden thought jolts me present.

Is growth always nearly imperceptible?

Do we only see growth when we're looking?

A hard week has slipped by- one full of grumbling and fear and culminating in tears as I presided over a mountain of borax spilt by toddlers in the kitchen. A nearly nake toddler wrapped arms around me as I sobbed, both of us now covered in white dust. I feel weak. I feel hopeless. I feel resigned.

Standing in the shower, jolted awake by thoughts, I finally spot the growth.

I am weak.

I am hopeless.

But God.

I wrestle hard again with perfectionism. I am reminded again that the cure is humility, the surrendering, admitting, and (dare I say it?) the resigning to the power nad grace of God.

I turn off the shower.

I resign control to Him.
2194-2209

Aeralind mostly stayin in her crib despite her newfound climbing skills
Pool budddies!!
Bronwyn so tired from swimming and playing that she actually asked for a nap
Two snuggly girls lying on me, drinking water
Fun Fat Quarters arriving
Quilt half cut out
Dresser almost done
Only closet doors and a little glazing left before I can retire my paintbrush for 2011
Unless I decide to glaze the bathroom with leftover paint/glaze
Baby gates
exhaustion when I over do it
Play dates!
Long naptime chats with my ssiter
Papa and girls slding down the tall slide
Cleaning with Derek
Rest

Few Words, Many Thanks

2011-08-24T17:21:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I stare at a blank post window for what seems like hours.

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say of value.

Perhaps, that's a good thing:

When there are many words, transgression in unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19

So today I'll just keep silent, and let the blessings that Christ poured out on me this last week speak for themselves.

Counting 2182-2193 of the thousands of gifts He gives each day.

Little girls insisting on trying on momma-made PJs
Bronwyn's new headband obsession
Dinner and Dancing out with Derek
Aeralind's often unexpected tackle hugs
Serious enjoying stripping furniture with Derek
Too big T-shirts made into little girl dresses for next spring/summer
Planning a favorite things birthday party for the girls
passing the 3 hour glucose
72 degree morning at the park
Confident kiddos on steps, stairs, ladders, and slides
Discipline-even when it's hard
One thing to be thankful for about maggots: Laughter caused by random maggot-inspired phone calls :)

Mama Loves: Trash

2011-08-20T09:50:00.000-04:00

Okay... maybe I don't love all trash. Cigarette butts, tin cans, and litter top my most hated trash lists.

But I love some good trash. Some toddler entertaining trash. I mean it's free, it keeps them entertained, can be thrown out or recycled with no guilt, and the variety is endless. It also gets bonus points for not making annoying battery operated noises.

As I type, Aeralind is running around with an empty plastic basil bottle. Bronwyn has a spent contact solution bottle. Both girls are endlessly fascinated with opening and closing their screw on lids. Occasionally, they switch pieces of trash for more fun.

Right after "sisser" dumped water all over Bronwyn

Their bathtub is filled to the brim with trash. I'm not a big fan of the bath squirt toys since they grow mold inside and there's no way to clean them. But give the girls a half dozen empty yogurt containers, a cottage cheese container, empty children's Tylenol bottles, and a plastic cup from the zoo and they'll entertain themselves in the tub for half an hour. Water is poured from one container to the next or dumped out on "sisser" or splashed on the floor (I promise the guest bathroom is the cleanest floor in the house!).

So before you recycle something plastic... evaluate it for toy purposes. You might be surprised how entertaining your little ones think it is :)

7 Things You can do to Twin Proof Your Marriage

2011-08-16T13:58:00.001-04:00

Going from a couple to a family with two crazy newborns is an incredibly stressful event. Not to mention the chaos that the twins produce only gradually slows down over the course of the first year. I wrote this article for my local Moms of Multiples club and thought it was high time to share it here!

Derek and I by no means have a perfect marriage. There's always a rough spot, but in the early days (months) I think these 7 things saved our marriage from real trouble. Actually... some of them we need to get back into doing more often! I hope they'll help you out too.

7 Things you can do to Protect your Marriage

Value your Marriage above your Multiples.
Caring for multiples (or any children) can be all consuming, especially for the wife. The temptation to pour your life into these babies can force your marriage to the back burner. Your babies will be in your home for about 18 years, that’s a short time that we need to utilize. However, your marriage could last beyond those 18 years if you invest as much in it as you invest in your kiddos. And as an added bonus, kids raised in families where the relationship between mom and dad is obviously valued feel more secure.

Make Date Night (or Morning) a Priority.
In those early months after the multiples arrive, we’re tempted to just go to bed early and neglect everything else. But a marriage is too important to neglect. Date night can be simple and inexpensive. Some examples:

a. While your mom or mother in law visits and sleeps in and the babies are back in bed after an early morning feeding, sneak out to Starbucks or IHOP.

b. Turn off the TV and play a game (cards, Scrabble, Sorry, even Candy Land). You’ll be surprised how great the conversation can be.

c. Snuggle up together on the couch and watch NCIS (or your favorite show).

d. Spend first nap on Saturday morning cooking up 4 large meals (one casserole in the oven, one in the crock pot, one pot of soup, and something for dinner that night). This gives you some time to talk and hang out as well takes care of the age old question “What’s for dinner?” You’ll also have extra energy in the evenings because you can just defrost and heat dinner.

3.
Extend Mercy.
When he makes a comment that gets under your skin, try to look at it from his point of view before letting your feelings get hurt. You’re both exhausted from night feedings and hypersensitive. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.

4.
Schedule Sex.
Let’s face it: women aren’t very interested in sex after the babies arrive, at least for a season. It’s so hard to turn around from tired mom who didn’t even get a chance to shower that day to sexy vixen in the bedroom that night. Scheduling sex might not seem romantic, but it’s incredibly freeing for both husband and wife. He knows that he has something to look forward to and might even surprise you by being extra helpful on sex night or throughout the week (does the dishes without being asked so you can get a shower, etc.). You’ll be able to mentally shift from mom to vixen and plan to get that shower at least one day a week. And even if you both fall asleep before you’ve finished, your marriage will benefit. ;)

5.
Don’t be a control freak.
You’ve been bathing the kiddos the same way for 3 months and hubby walks in to relieve you from the chore. He forgets to wash behind their ears, puts them in a daytime diaper instead of the nighttime variety, and accidently puts your boy in his twin sisters’ PJs. Or he tidies up the play room and you can’t find anything for days. As mom’s we’re tempted to think that our way is best. We try to train our husbands to do what we do exactly the way we do it. And every time we say, “Honey, haven’t I told you before that you need to…” He feels disrespected. He feels like you don’t appreciate what he’s trying to do. Give dad the freedom to develop his own way of doing things and thank him for doing it. I promise he’ll help out more and you’ll be less stressed out.

6.
Touch one another each day.
Hug each other. Kiss good-bye. Snuggle in bed. Touch is so powerful: you know this from picking up the baby that instantly stops screaming. It’s the same with spouses. Loving touch changes perspective.

7.
Say Thank You.
Gratitude is powerful. When your husband gets up and does a night feeding without you, when he takes out the garbage before you ask, when he goes to work at a job he hates everyday to support you, when he calls you beautiful even with your crazy postpartum body, simply say thank you. Gratitude not only encourages and affirms your spouse, but it also changes your own perspective. It’s impossible to feel anger or fear at the same time as expressing gratitude. So when he drowns your Cactus Garden, say “Thank you for noticing my plants needed watering.” Your anger level will reduce. After all most of what we fight over is just stuff, it’s not that important. But bolstering your husbands’ heart is that important.

Nesting

2011-08-15T13:45:00.000-04:00

One evening last week I opened the back door to two things. A Palmetto Bug (think: the world's largest cockroach) and a perfectly woven tiny little nest.

The bug didn't last 45 seconds.

Then nest is still sitting in my kitchen, quietly bearing witness to the beauty that God weaves daily.

This week thing are finally starting to come together in our spare-junk-room to be turned into a nursery. At almost 8 months pregnant, I'm finally beginning to nest. The excitement of creating this room is almost too much for me to fall asleep some nights.

This morning it strikes me: can you imagine the joy God gets out of creating the world anew each day as a space for His children if I'm getting so much joy from painting and sewing pillows and putting together a crib?

I slap yellow paint on walls and stroke grey gently on a dresser and each second I'm more excited about this new little person to love.

Can you fathom the love in each sunrise and sunset, perfectly painted gifts from above?

Counting #2151-2181 of the breathtaking things He creates for me each day.

23 Months with Sweet girls
Laughter between crib rails as I tickl toes
Finally a dresser from Craigslist!
Immediate response for my Queen mattress and bookshelves.
The prospect of finally having enough space in the nursery to be to paint!
Curtain panels cut
Becca watching the girls (and taking them to the pool: brave lady!) while I had a long OB appointement
Quiet long hours at the OB sewing felt food
Phone call from Julia telling me she was praying for me
Watching "Mighty Machines" in Brady's bed (Becca's son) and his sweet snuggles
Tickle fights with Brady
Bronwyn super excited about the "gucks" and "gars" and "ah pane!" in Brady's room
Quiet morning at the park
Carseats on sale provide for by my generous parents
The spanking spoon
Toddler words I can understand
"Psycho Baby" rolling, twisting, kicking, and generally going nuts inside of me!
Girls eating chunks of raw squash that I'd hallowed out to stuff
Baked Apples
Fun at Roper Mt.
Girls 'bocking' at the chickens
Crowing at the rooster
Derek picking me a bouquet of "weeds" he was digging out of the corn
Little girls curled up on a genuine rope strung feather bd
Watching them tuck each other in and giggle
Walking through the heirloom garden "melling" flowers and sampling herbs
first coat of nursery paint finished
drawer fronts primed and painted
Pumpking doughnuts baked
Perfect little bird's nest right outside my back door
unexpected overtime
Watching a movie and snuggling at the end of a long weekend

Mama Loves: SwagBucks

2011-08-13T08:10:00.009-04:00

As mama's I know we each search the internet for things a lot. On any given day (like maybe yesterday) my internet searches might be all of the following:

"How much language should a 2 year old have?"
"Newborn photography bed prop tutorial"
"Ana White Loft Bed plans"
"How to remove wood glue"
"Dry brushing furniture"
"Eggplant Parmesan"
"Bolster pillow tutorial"

I have a confession: I earn money just for searching the web.

How? By using SwagBucks as my search engine.
Another secret: You can join me. Click the banner below and sign up.

Now I'm not compulsive about grabbing Swag. There are tons of other ways to win besides just searching (surveys, videos, searching for the codes, going through SwagBucks to buy things at your favorite stores, etc). I'm just a searcher and referrer to the program, but I promise that over the last two years I've earned the equivalent of about $250 worth of free stuff just for doing that little bit!

I redeem all of my SwagBucks for $5 Amazon gift cards and the occasional Restaurant.com gift card. Since I started participating I've gotten the following with my loot:

3 $25 Restaurant.com gift cards (Hello, date night!)
Spent a total of only $40 on my Instep Safari Double Jogging Stroller after selling 2 strollers that didn't work for me and applying tons of Amazon gift cards.
Completed a HUGE book order with Amazon Cards (including One Thousand Gifts, Building the Christian Family you Never Had, Sacred Sex, and Radical)
Bought my pretty Owl Fabric, ZigZag Curtain Fabric, and Mamma Birds Fabric for the new one's nursery.
I'm sure I'm missing at least one Amazon purchase... because I don't remember the early days with the girls much... and I know I found SwagBucks right around their birth ;)

In conclusion: if you're a mama who uses a search engine, you should be using SwagBucks. You'll thank me when you buy something you totally wanted but couldn't justify buying without spending anything at all. ;)

Community Supported Agriculture (CSA)

2011-08-09T13:54:00.000-04:00

Last January we decided to participate in Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) for half of a growing season. A CSA is a group of people who buy a "share" in a local farm. We pay the farmer upfront and he grows his crops. In return, we get a weekly share of the produce (or eggs and meat). I've loved the concept since I first heard about it. I love knowing I'm supporting a local farmer and that my food is fresh and hasn't traveled half the country (or internationally) to arrive on my dinner plate. I love the fact that when the girls are older we can go visit our farm and see our food growing.

However, I was totally unprepared for the cooking inspiration that comes with having all my vegetables picked out for me! Planning meals around my full bag of veggies was so much fun last week. I can't wait to see what Derek brings home tonight :)

Here's what was in my bag from Greenbrier Farms:

1 homemade ball of pizza dough
3 eggplant (one huge, 2 skinny)
6 Zephyr summer Squash
1 pint assorted heirloom cherry tomatoes
5 giant heirloom tomatoes
6 potatoes
2 green bell peppers
about 2 pints of okra

And here's what we ate for dinner (I'm no food photographer... and I missed an entire meal):

Night 1:

Roasted Potatoes and Okra with Baked Chicken

Lunch Day 2:

A Salad for Mommy and handfuls of tomatoes for the girls
(who complained when the tomatoes were all gone!)

Night 2:

Appetizer Night!

From the Top: Eggplant Dip with Crostini, Tomatoes and Fresh Mozarella,
Spinach Dip Bread Bowls (with the Pizza Crust), Bacon

Eggplant Dip- Soo Good!

My Dad always makes tomatoes this way with homemade dressing every Labor Day :)

Night 3:

Squash and Potato Cheesy Casserole with Chicken Nuggets (for the girls only)

(Ahem. Missing picture)

Night 4:

Eggplant Parmesan

Awesome Fork Technique: This stuff disappeared!
I'm hoping for more eggplant in this week's share.

Night 5:

Assorted Leftovers

(no picture needed)

Night 6:

Salmon and Rice with Cheesy Spinach Stuffed Squash

Night 7:

Chicken, Bacon, Cheddar, Bell Pepper, and Ranch Wraps with Green Beans

(not made yet... maybe I'll sneak a picture in later this evening)

(All of the recipes that I used or modified for this week can be found on my CSA Pinterest Board. I'll add whatever else I cook up with notes as the summer progresses.)

Pierced

2011-08-08T14:05:00.001-04:00

If we admit it, there are days when even sitting through the best sermon is drudgery. Where our minds can't connect what we're hearing to our hearts, whether it's from distraction, stubbornness, or just sin.

Yesterday was one of those days where distraction and sin tried to make a good sermon drudgery rather than a two-edge sword to pierce my heart.

The Holy Spirit eventually won out.

The passage was short and one I had often looked over: James 1:26-27

If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue be deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Oh, how I have deceived my heart! How I have seen myself as pious, but turned and whipped my husband with words that do nothing to build up his heart. Or I have sat and read the Word, and then lost my temper with a whining toddler. Or I have quietly stayed home when I could have been forging relationships with those who need grace most.

May the truth of this word continue to pierce me through.

Counting #2129-2150 of the good and perfect gifts He continues to give me in love

Rainer cherries on super sale- sooo good
Publix frozen chocolate yogurt
Nighttime cards with Derek
First ay to pick up my CSA share
Unexpected pizza dough and peppers :)
Praying for the girls before naps
Toddler girls crawling into each others laps to comfort the crying sister whose hair is being combed
Time to cook a few meals while the oven was hot
Discovering the mouse in the closet
Discovering the one thing Bronwyn might be scared of: mice!
Derek and I working until bedtime on kitchen and closet clean-up
Picking beauty from my front yard
Feeding cottage cheese to the girls
Appetizer dinner night (yum yum!)
Derek graciously letting me take a nap
Derek making banana bread out of smashed bananas the girls pulled off the counter (when did they get that tall?!) Best banana bread ever!
Two CSA-inspired vegetarian dinners. Oh my, eggplant Parmesan is so good! Recipe that I basically followed here (I breaded and baked first rather than grilling).
$1 thrifted flannel crib sheets made into PJ sets for the girls.
Trying my hand at making a pattern even if they ended up as PJs
Listening to a challenging message
Attempting to apply
Freedom to pray for wisdom whenever I need it

Mama Loves: The New Strong-Willed Child

2011-08-06T13:00:00.001-04:00

My sweet bloggy friend Julia is doing a Linky Party called Mama Loves. She's found that she's learned so much from other Mama bloggers that she felt she wanted to create a place for us to all share the items that have helped us the most. I think it's a fantastic idea.

I'm a pretty independent person. I do things my own way. My mother loves to tell the story about my first day in Kindergarten where all these kiddos were clinging to their mommies crying and I looked her in the eye and said: "I can do it myself." She went back to the car in tears. My teenage years were probably worse from her perspective. I often heard the ultimate mother-curse: "I hope you have one just like you."

Well, fortunately for me, the egg split into identical twins and I have two... with portions of their personality just like mine.

Aeralind is the independent, do her own thing, I-don't-want-your-snuggles-right-now-thank-you-very-much portion of my personality. But she also hates discipline. She'll do just about anything not to receive a scolding or a spanking. Generally, she's pretty compliant, though she has her moments.

Bronwyn received the full measure of her mother's strong will (and I think some of her Aunt Kaykers' strong will, too). Bronwyn's single goal in life is to discover where the boundaries are and then to push them just to make sure you'll enforce them. But she's also the snugly please-spend-time-with-me baby.

In any case, we're entering the 2's and 3's where some of their behavior and a lot of their boundary testing needs to be answered with a heaping portion of parental control and another heaping portion of parental love. They need to know both that we mean business and that they're never going to lose our affection.

Enter James Dobson's The New Strong-Willed Child (as well as Dare to Discipline). These books are helping me to both find and maintain that delicate balance so that I can help them learn that boundaries are for their good while also keeping from crushing their delicate spirits. I can't recommend these books enough... especially if you have a strong-willed child (and you know if you do... trust me :-p)

The Great Kitchen Remodel: Stage 1

2011-08-05T08:26:00.007-04:00

My kitchen was a cave.

Dark cabinets, super old fake wood laminate counter tops, dark dental molding all the way around the room, and dirty flat painted beige walls were sucking out the light from the 4 windows in the huge room. Here's proof:

Additionally, there was this little desk in the corner that really served me no purpose. And the final straw was that no drawer in the whole kitchen was wide enough for a silverware sorter except for one of those desk drawers.

After we ripped out the wallpaper in the master, prepared the girl's nursery, and spontaneously redid the guest bathroom, I set my sights on the kitchen. Our budget was (is) tiny so I knew we'd have to do work in stages. For Stage 1, I wanted the most visual change for the least amount of money (especially since midway through this process we found out about our Surprise Baby!).

Can you believe that most of this change is paint?! I hardly recognize the space when I pulled out the before pictures!

Breakdown of costs:

Removal and Replacement of Desk: Free!
Derek pulled out the desk saving the fake wood counter-top. My father-in-law built the new cabinet using scrap wood and materials. The two of them attached a piece of wood to the back of the old counter top to make it as long as the rest of the counter tops and replaced it ontop of the new cabinet. Obviously it still needs doors... but right now everything down there is for the girls to play with :)

Primer, paint, glaze small rollers for the cabinets: approximately $60.
We used a gift card for the primer/supplies and only had to pay for the paint and glaze. All work was done ourselves.

Whimsical fork, knife, and spoon pulls for the cabinet doors: Free!
They were a Christmas Gift from my parents!

New hinges for the Cabinet Doors to match pulls: approximately $15.
It would have cost more, but a couple sets of the hinges came with the pulls at Christmas :)

Paint for the walls: approximately $30.
That dirty beige flat paint sucked up paint like a sponge so we actually needed two cans. However, I bartered sewing skills for the second can of paint (thanks, Jessica!) and we ended up having enough in the second can to also paint my entryway. Bonus! :)

Stencil, brush, and acrylic paint for the back splash: approximately $35.
The stencil (found here) cost about $29 with a coupon code from an ad on The Nester's blog. The brush and cheap acrylics made up for the rest of the price.

Cute bird containers: Free!
The containers are actually entertaining cookie tins that we've had since we got married and used for the same purpose of holding spoons and such. I had Mod Podge leftover from the girl's bird art and the fabric is from the remnants of a dress I just finished. I have some more of this bird fabric and I'm debating between putting some on the bottom of kitchen towels or making hot pads. I may have enough for both...

Total Cost: $140

Stage 2 Plans include:

New Curtains
Doors for the Cabinet
Replacing the Crown Molding we tore out in the whole room (should it be cabinet color... or white?)
A Sturdy Shelf for the Microwave between the cabinets and wall (a built-in won't fit above the stove)
A Storage Bench for kiddos to sit on at the dinner table
And I'm trying to talk Derek into letting me paint and stencil the linoleum since redoing the flooring is last on our to-do list. I don't think I'm succeeding... but I can keep trying. ;)
Oh, and eventually all our appliances will be black... we just don't replace until they die. Though getting a new stove hood is pretty tempting... especially knowing how cheap they are.

And just a little recap:

Maternity/Nursing Dress Tutorial

2011-08-02T08:00:00.005-04:00

So I totally took step by step pictures of the entire process of making this nursing dress when I made the fabric flower tutorial.... but it appears that I somehow deleted each and every one of them before getting Derek to take pictures of the dress on me. Sigh. So you'll have deal with very non-visual instructions on making yourself this dress. :(

1. Try on a tank and mark about 1" below a good empire waistline for you. Cut the bottom of tank off. (in retrospect I might have cut it so that the back was shorter than the front since you can see how it's longer in the back)

2. Cut a 4" strip from the top of the remaining bottom half of the tank. Fold in half. With right sides together pin and sew to the bottom of your Empire waist-ed tank top.

3. Measure around the fullest part of your hips if you're making this for nursing or the fullest part of your tummy if you're expecting (or if your hips are wider than your tummy measure that). Add 6-12" of ease (less if you're nursing, more if you're expecting and making this near the beginning of your pregnancy). Divide the measurement in half and add one inch.

So the formula looks like this Hip/tummy measurement + 6-12" / 2 + 1" = X or the width of the front and back skirt panels.

4. Now measure from the seam you made on your tank to the length you'd like the skirt to be. Add 2.5" for the seam and hem allowances.

Formula for length: Desired length + 2.5 = Y or length of skirt panel.

5. Cut 2 skirt panels X by Y. If you do full length like I did, you may want to taper the skirt out in a trapazoid fashion so that it's about 3-6" wider at the bottom than the top. I can't take too long of a stride in this dress because I didn't do that.

6. Sew skirt front and backs together at the side seams.

7. Make a tiny hem at the top of your skirt piece.

8. Hand wind a bobbin with elastic thread. Sew two lines of stitching around the top of the dress with the elastic thread in the bobbin and high tension on the top thread. (if you're making the dress nursing friendly, you may want to sew a couple extra lines of elastic in the front panel: especially if you're pregnant when you make the dress).

9. Pin the skirt to bodice seam right sides together with the waistband itself turned up and out of the way. (this is the hardest step without a picture. Basically, the skirt will be inside the front of the dress with the waistband turned out of the way. Your waistband will be sandwiched between the skirt and tank. I'm probably over explaining...)

Leave most of the skirt gathers at the front and back of the dress leaving the sides straight. If you want the dress to be nursing friendly, do NOT pin the front of the skirt to the bodice. The elastic thread should hold it up. If you're not concerned about nursing access then go ahead and pin the front down.

10. Try on the dress and adjust as necessary. Mark your hem placement and then turn up and sew your hem.

11. Embellish as desired. Enjoy your dress!

Good Graces

2011-08-01T08:58:00.000-04:00

I didn't stop much to say "Thank You" this week. It was a blur of activity and sleeplessness. I suffered for my discontent later in the week as the ongoing trial of sleep deprivation continued.

Oh, Lord, help me to count the moments as good graces that you give!

Counting 2120-2128 of the Quiet Gifts He Gives Each Day

Seeing a humming bird up close with Bronwyn
2 nights of consequetive sleep
Waterpark fun with the UMoMmies
Snuggling Aeralind on a tube in the lazy river
Bronwyn doing the same with daddy
The girls asking to play dress up
Hysterical girl chosen outfits
Derek's patience with me
The Lord's patience and kindness to me

22 Months

2011-07-30T13:22:00.000-04:00

The months are tumbling by in rush, but each day with you two lingers on. Each moment containing an eternity of memories.

In six weeks, you will have wiggled upon this earth for 2 years.

For 2 years, you have been shaping me,
training me,
teaching me to love,
teaching me what it means to be a mother.

I'm pretty hard headed most of the time... so I appreciate your patience in undertaking that task. I appreciate your blossoming spirits teaching my own to continue to grow.

Aeralind Grace

My sweet girl, each day it becomes more apparent that God gave you a servant's heart. I (or daddy) have taught you to sweep (sort of), mop up a mess with a rag, clean up after you eat, feed your sister when she's being slow to eat, throw trash away, and even to kill the harmless ants I can't seem to conquer in our kitchen. Not only do you take great joy and pride in doing these tasks (sometimes yelling "Yay!" and clapping when complete), but often times you initiate these tasks without my prompting. I can only imagine where that heart will lead you.

The one image of you that I hope to freeze in my mind is your handing me something and with great joy saying "Tank oo!" You picked that up since I say thank you when you hand me something... but you seem to have the order a bit mixed up. I'm not correcting you though. I often times relish hearing those little words.

Bronwyn Hope

You have made it very apparent this month that you are a very strong willed girl. You have challenged authority, you have whined for up to 5 hours at night (either because you just wanted to be up or because of some residual attachment to your now gone pacifier), and you have thrown a million temper tantrums. I want you to know that I love your strong will. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it's hard for me to manage sometimes, but you are growing your momma. You are teaching her how to love you best.

One the things I've noticed the most is that you demand structure. Part of that is in your strong willed nature (Will I get away with this? Where are my boundaries?), but part of it is your love for figuring things out. You have memorized every single snack box in the cabinet and will yell out what I'm getting or what you want: "daker!" "Pune!" You will inform me of when and where I need to put something away. You have no problem telling your sister of a boundary that she is crossing that you know is wrong... and wrestling her to the ground to get your "no" across (we'll work on finesse a little later :-p). Structure is your friend and it's what you desire most.

The one image I want to hold in my mind is of you reaching up your little hand to walk with me up the stairs or in a parking lot. Browyn, as much as you fight to establish boundaries, I can see that in your heart you're really just asking to be led patiently and gently. I'll hold your hand and lead as best as I can by the grace of God.

Spring Ruffle Dresses

2011-07-28T07:56:00.001-04:00

I made these Spring Ruffle Dresses about a month ago and we have been wearing them a lot! Nothing is more perfect for this age than a sundress: quick diaper changes, easy removal, and at this short length no restriction on movement. This is the very last of their quilt fabrics and bedroom fabrics (Basic Grey's Sultry for Moda).

I used the Spring Ruffle Top tutorial on Sew Mama Sew with a couple of modifications.

First, I just used the tiny bit of fabric I had left for the skirt portion rather than measuring it and gathered it to fit the front portion in the center only.

Second, I cut the back bodice piece the same length as the back skirt piece and shirred it with elastic bobbin thread so it would grow with them and maybe be used as a top next year.

I think I also reduced all the width measurements of the bodice and strap pieces to 2 inches.

I think this is the perfect beginner clothing sewing pattern (hint hint, Jessica... I think you could totally do this for K, espeically without the shirring :-p)

Crushed

2011-07-27T14:13:00.000-04:00

I'm not a very visual person.
I think in words more often than not.
But sometimes an image will just stick and either inspire or haunt.

I have a haunting image stuck in my head from two nights ago.

We've really been struggling with sleep for about the past 9 days. Some nights they take 2 hours to fall asleep. Some nights they wake 2 hours before I want them up. Some nights they're up for 2-4 hours in the middle of the night. Monday night was one of those nights. Someone was howling from about 10pm until 1am.

Mainly the issue is Bronwyn though often Aeralind will piggyback on her drama.

Bronwyn is a determined little critter. She will figure things out. She will risk her life and limb to jump into the pool face first. She will throw temper tantrums when we say no (even if we don't see her. Seriously, I caught her lying by the kitchen door miserable for 5 minutes after Derek walked out one day apparently telling her she couldn't come with him). She will test authority. She wants to know that your "no" is really no. She will make the better portion of 8 nights miserable because mommy decides that it's time to get rid of the paci. It's not even about the pacifier at this point. It's about staying awake because she thinks she can.

Monday night I had enough. I was exhausted. I'm pregnant. I just wanted sleep. And, by golly, nothing would satisfy that child! I fiercely laid her down in her crib, wrapped her blanket around her, shoved her stuffed animal under her arm, and told her "NO WHINING!"

And I crushed her little spirit. I saw the look in her eyes. The hurt. I watched her little lip draw tight and tremble. And I left the room before more damage was done.

She continued her tirade for about 3 hours after that moment.

I was wrong. My attitude was wrong. My anger was wrong. My tone of voice was wrong. Yes, she's a strong-willed child. I need to break her will, but I can't crush her spirit in the meantime. Her strong-willed spirit makes her beautiful, especially when it's used to discover and preserver through difficult things.

I'm not sure how these thoughts are supposed to lead into my gratitude post, but I wanted to share them here. To be real.

Counting 2091-2119 of the Completely Undeserved Gifts Christ Gives Me Each Day

Girls demanding to try on their not quite finished "burd" dresses
Bronwyn obediently pulling Aeralind's thumb out of her mouth and the ensuing smiles
Super excited "Yay!" and clapping when the girls accomplish something they this is difficult
Lapful of snuggly babies
10 scattered buttons all found and applied to bird dresses
Joy at the fountains

Children who were breathing at 4-6 am- even if they were scream/whining
Sweet surrendered prayer time at 5am
All finally drifting to sleep in exhaustion
No working pacifier distributed despite temptation
vocabulary explosions
being handed a toy and told "tank oo" a million times a day
sweet visit with my sister in law and her husband
Filling their trunk with hand-me-down goodies for theri little girl coming soon
Taking maternity images

Guest sleeping through crazy whiny night wakings
Playing hard in the pool
Bronwyn diving into the pool steps face first over and over
Splashes with Aeralind
Support from Nana as we struggle through sleep issues
2 full nights of sleep at least in the past 9
Conviction about my anger and speech
Reading The Strong-Willed Child
More conviction
Unexpectedly yummy diner
A playdate/meeting where I could talk to grown ups and where girls who were overtired could stay awake
This being the one UMOM meeting I could have missed in exchage for lseep
Someone to watch the girls whil I wait out my glucose test
Sister laughter on the couch together

2011-07-22T16:59:00.000-04:00

Confession: I believe I may have a new addiction.

Pinterest

It's a sort of social network where you can make virtual memo boards. I know... it doesn't sound like something that's very useful. But it is.

For instance, you keep running across recipes that you'd like to try and saving them as bookmarks. But when you're ready to cook it, you can't ever find where you bookmarked it. Use a pin board to make a virtual and visual cookbook.

You're working on a Christmas or Birthday wishlist so your friends and family know what you'd like. Assemble a visual guide to what you want.

You're a sewist who just saw this great bird print fabric but can't purchase it now. Use a pin board to create a virtual fabric stash.

You're a photographer who is looking for inspiration for a specific type of session. Create a pinboard of images you find inspiring.

You want to surprise a friend with a gift she might really love (whether handmade or purchased). You can always see if she's on Pinterest and grab something she's pinned :)

Yep, it's useful... but it's addicting. Don't say I didn't warn you!

If you'd like to see what I've been pinning:

Telling the Girls Apart: Part 2

2011-07-19T18:00:00.000-04:00

Check the Hair (if it's up)

Hiding under Bronwyn's shaggy mop is this cute little face with a mane of adorable wisps. Bronwyn isn't a fan of the comb right now so usually a ponytail is all I can manage.

Bronwyn's Pretty Face!

Now Aeralind.... oh, Aeralind is just a mess! She'll sit there for hair styling and let me do the most elaborate things. Yesterday, she got her first set of braided pigtails. And this is what happened less than 10 minutes later

This is what always happens. If I can find the hair elastic, she might get it pulled back in a sloppy low ponytail... but otherwise her hair is left however she leaves it. :)

Lost Joy of Childhood: Found

2011-07-18T09:44:00.001-04:00

Yesterday morning, the girls and I baked muffins. I've let them knead dough before, but other than that this was their first experience in the kitchen.

About 1/3 of the way through the recipe, I had to go get the camera!

We look back at our own childhood or watch children and we long to do that all over again.

Maybe we can.
Maybe the secret to childhood isn't innocent youth.
Maybe the secret to childhood is delighted joy taken in every moment.

The secret is seeing the wonder and breathing thanks.

Counting Gifts to be Thankful for #2071-2090

Seeing Julia's signature duct tape wrapped around a box at my breakfast spot.
Sweet babies who let sick me lay on a mattress downstairs while they play contentedly
Bronwyn's new raised eyebrow face of delight!
Cheery season- so short and full of yummy joy!
Daily obsession with my canned goods. The girls take them out, stack them, put them in their pool, and the put them back up.
Rock Star Hair

15 minute appointment at the Minute Clinic confirming I had an ear infection
Me finally sleeping through the night after the girls have been doing it for 3 nights
Significantly less ear pain/dizziness first thing in the morning
Yogurt making in my crock pot
Snack time
Current kitchen paint related projects coming to a close (I promise.. photos by mid-August)
Squealy girls pulling down my pants by the belt loops
Waking up at 11 am to find no babies or husband in the house
Daddy taking the girls hiking and birding all by himself
Lunch together
Clean kitchen floor
Baking muffins with toddlers
Pure delight in dumping their measuring cups of ingredients in the bowl
Girls stealing cooling muffins to sample while mom and dad weren't looking

Crafty Peeks (49-50/365)

2011-07-15T15:13:00.000-04:00

Telling the Girls Apart: Part 1

2011-07-15T14:52:00.000-04:00

I get asked all the time how I tell my girls apart.

For me it's simple... the odds are low that Aeralind would be doing that particular activity (i.e. dangerously climbing every vertical surface at a park she's never been too) and there's no way Bronwyn would be doing that particular activity (i.e. sitting quietly and patiently trying to figure out how to play that darn harmonica that B already threw across the room in frustration). Their personalities are different.

Ofcourse, telling you this doesn't make you more able to tell them apart if you haven't spent a good amount of time getting to know each one.

So I thought I'd do a series of visual tutorials.

Telling the Girls Apart: Part 1

Check the hair (if it's down).

Aeralind

For some reason, Aeralind has grown a near perfect set of bangs. I've never cut the front of either girls' hair so it must just be that baby hairs are just starting to grow in front for her. But her hair parts perfectly just left of middle leaving this natural set of bangs.

Bronwyn

Bronwyn, however, does not have bangs. Nor does she have a natural part at this time. And if I try to remove the hair from in front of her eyes/nose she throws a fit. Tucking it behind her ears while wet to dry will not tame the mop. And barrettes only last as long as it takes her sister to notice the barrette and yank it out (ouch!). So Bronwyn walks around looking like a shaggy dog.. .and that's okay with her (and me too).

A Meeting Place

2011-07-14T15:14:00.000-04:00

We sit long over sliced onions and potatoes while my sick babies rest in the cool of her farmhouse.

There are 40 years between us and yet our hearts both feel the ache.

The longing ache for what should have been had we never distrusted God and left the garden.

We both grew up without Truth poured from the Word into our hearts and, yet, that imprint of God placed on each person at birth bore quiet testimony. She knew when she watched her parent's divorce that it wasn't supposed to be this way. I knew as I held my sobbing sister while family fought loud in the hallway that relationships weren't supposed to be like that. No one teaches you these things: they are innate. Stamped on your soul with an indelible mark.

Life isn't supposed to be like this.
What went wrong?

There's quiet for a time as she stirs the sauce and I clean up scattered toys from the floor. We contemplate our own hearts, our own hurts, our own failures silently.

What went wrong?

The truth of the matter is that we simply failed to trust God. Failed to trust in His Goodness. Failed to trust that what He freely gives is the best thing.

And so when our spouse hurts our feelings, our hearts cry out "Is he really the best thing you could have given me, God?" Our reaction is sin whether yelling or bitterness or recoiling or simply walking away. Our reaction is to say "God, this isn't the best thing so I'm going to take control here."

Our reaction is ingratitude.

A sick baby wakes coughing and I sit with the nebulizer trying to clear her lungs wishing it were as easy to clear my heart of ingratitude, of sin, of doubting the One who orchestrates it all.

I look over at Carol, busy cooking up something nourishing. And while her meals bring strength to the body, her real reason for cooking is to nourish relationships. To bring souls to the meeting place of her table.

Isn't that what all souls ultimately long for: a meeting place? A place to lay themselves bare and be honest about who we are in our quiet mix of good and evil, of doubt and belief.

Two days later, as I dip brush in paint and stencil a kitchen back-splash, these moments rush back at me. I want to create the hallowed meeting place: daily with the five who live here and often with the souls wandering near me.

But how?

How do I release the full weight of who I am in a way that helps others surrender their full weight to be loved?

A Softening of Heart

2011-07-13T14:39:00.001-04:00

I've dropped off the planet for about a week now.

Sick and sleepless babies are their own sort of time warp.

Especially the sleeplessness.
Days melt into the next.
Timelessness ensues.

I'm not going to make myself look pretty here: I'm not good at sleeplessness, selflessness, or humility.

I think I deserve to have things my way all the time.

We'll call this sinfulness. Or just plain old pride.

In any case, when my little ~~banshees~~ cherubs wake howling at 5 am (after waking at 10, 11:30, 1, and 3) my first thoughts are not concern about their well-being. My first thought on a good night (i.e. the first in a string of bad nights or the fluke night) is "How long, oh Lord!" A typical night's first thought is: "Why can't that little {insert derogatory word of choice}just stay asleep already!"

Between cutting teeth and this crazy bout with RSV, I've had 2 blissful uninterrupted nights of sleep and two nights where I totaled over 5 consecutive sleep hours in the last month.

I'm not telling you this for your pity (believe me, I've thrown enough pity parties). I'm telling you so you access the seriousness of my sleep deprivatiion levels and mental state.

It's been legitimately rough around here if you're an 8 hour of sleep lover (covet-er, worshiper, oh my depravity!)

But God (shivers).

He send 3 nights without a working air conditioning and daytime temperatures rising into the 100s while babies are dealing with RSV and both mommy and daddy are down with the cold symptoms/fever of adult RSV. The last 2 nights the girls and I spend sleeping at the homes of godly women whose conversation makes me feel sane. They both know how to be real.

He sends a new friend pregnant with twins on full bedrest for an entire month now who has the most incredible grace-filled attitude. Did I mention she has a toddler too?

He sends laughter in the form of a fellow pregnant friend asking those hysterical TMI (too much information) question that only a fellow pregnant friend could come up with.

He sends a tiny toddler solemnly promising with enthusiasm to sleep through the night that night after our two nights away from home. A toddler who, except for one startled, waking kept that promise.

He allows the hard stuff to come, but he serves up heaps of blessings (sometimes unnoticed) alongside.

This counting His blessings changes things.

It might not change my hearts propensity to selfishness/sinfulness, but it changes perspective, shifts focus.

And softens my stubborn heart to gestate truth.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice....But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now that you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:4,10-14

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Counting Gifts #2047-2070

Previously purchased Moleskin for when wild toddler twins run off with my original gratitude journal and I still can't find it weeks later.
Kitchen walls painted
Extra pain from the second can used to add color to the entryway.
Only 2 rooms and one bath not yet touched by paint and my hand. The house is starting to feel like my home.
2 8 hour nights of sleep between Aeralinds last tooth and the start of Bronwyn's bout with RSV
Aeralind waiting to come down with it until after B was on the mend- even though sleep deprivation is prolonged. 30 minutes of twin nebulizing in the middle of the night is not fun, but 15 for one baby for 7-10 days is manageable.
Not catching it myself until Saturday
being well enough Sunday to work at Furman
Friends I can call at 10pm and ask to sleep in their air conditioning after our heat pump goes down
Derek getting a full night's sleep while the we slept at Ruthie's before the fever finally hit him.
Cool baths and showers whenever needed
Pool time to cool off
Nana's farm to stay at one night and day.
Story and sharing with Nana
Long baby naps
Sparkle coming back in my girls eyes
Babies eating well again for the first time in 7 days.
Aerie girl feeling well enough to dump her dinner bowl on the floor in pure spite
Farm fress eggs boiling in a pot
Busy girls
Girls so hungry (finally) that they begged bagel off of me after they had eaten a full breakfast
Little helpers
A general spirit of sweet obedience
Goosebumps from being cold!!

True Beauty Conversations: Reality Check {Guest Post}

2011-07-08T13:22:00.000-04:00

Julia and I are exploring the meaning of Beauty, intersecting Beauty with the word of God, and letting Beauty live in our lives. Inspired by a joint feeling of just not measuring up in the beauty category, we're tackling some hard questions:

What is Beauty? And does it reside in me?
And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?
What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?

Join us as we converse about a topic that touches the heart of all women.
______________________________________________________

Today we're featuring a guest post from my (Melissa's) dear friend Sarah.

I met Sarah doing something crazy (probably mattress surfing) in the halls of "Middle Howard". She has to-die-for curly hair, is super spunky, she plays the guitar and sings worship songs, and is compassionate enough to cry when others hurt. She shepherded the hearts of many girls on my dorm hall.

I had the amazing opportunity to serve with Sarah at a Christian girl's camp. Normally, we only crossed paths at the pool where she life guarded while I worked as a counselor and high ropes instructor. But one week some other counselors needed a break and Sarah and I were paired together in a cabin to work with a teen camp. There may have been a silly interlude of "Señor Navel" visiting our teens... but the only 'evidence' is a headless slightly blurry picture... hardly verifiable in a court of law as anything other than circumstantial evidence.

But in all seriousness, that week as teen counselors stretched and grew both of us immensely. We dealt with some of our own fears of beauty as reflected through the eyes of young girls barely starting high school. We pleaded with a young girl who had already sought her worth in the eyes (and hands) of a man twice her tender age of 15. We stayed up late talking about the hard things and trying to process how to serve these girls and who we were becoming in Christ. And we gave one another many reality checks that week: some brisk edifying "Snap out of it and serve these girls." and some "God made you beautiful and that's the truth."

Since camp, God has taken Sarah on a long road. She married prior to finishing school to a guy who appeared to love the Lord and doted on her. She became unexpectedly pregnant with a sweet girl named Emma who has milk allergies, is gluten-free, and has Asperger syndrome (a syndrome low on the autism spectrum). After a couple years of marriage, Sarah had to be strong enough to endure a biblical divorce and become a single working mom. A few years later the Lord brought back an old friend who loved Him to love her. They've been married for almost 2 years now and are daily striving to serve each other and Him to the best of their grace-reliant resources.

Through it all, Sarah's attitude has only become more gracious as she learned endurance and joy through the difficult paths she's walked. Oh, Sarah, I am so blessed to call you friend and wish we could visit more often.

______________________________________________________________

Ya know, there are many people in the world that seemingly have it all together and also have everything all together in a nice house. They look great, are really "cool", have friends with class, big-important jobs, and money. I've honestly been struggling with the "looking great" (i.e. perfect body) aspect of all of this for about two years. Now don't get me wrong, many of you know I'm trying to eat healthier and make better choices in food and exercise and that's fine and dandy.

But when my heart is set on the goal of perfect, tan, skinny, American wife and mom I lose sight of what's truly important. I begin to not just keep a healthy biblical goal of eating healthy but lose integrity and forget about the truth of Christ's love that really matters.

Yep, it's bold to say that, and might sound extreme but that's honestly and truthfully what we lose when we strive to be like the world!

True integrity, doesn't come with perfection, in any form, or jean size! In fact, Christ tells us to cease striving and to lean on Him for help. So why do I continue to desire to look like the world when I'm only here visiting? And not just in my clothes size but in longing for bigger and better things such as money and home.

Friends, we are living in a modern day Babylon. I'm learning, in my new Bible study in Sunday School (Daniel by Beth Moore), the the parallels between the ancient and very worldly Babylon are actually very, very similar to today's world. The book of Daniel is the best example to explore these truths. Our class has only gotten as far as chapter one, in which Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah stand up to the chief guard and request to eat clean healthy foods vs. the king's food.

But, in this modern day world, why do we seek worldly beauty and choices over true beauty and Biblical truths?! Why don't we stand up to the chief of all lies and say we're standing in truth and requesting to seek to be like Christ not that tan blonde with the size 4 pants?!I've got a new mind set, sweet friends. Time to seek some more Jesus and less of myself. Will you join me?

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it."
Mark 8:34-36

Do keep in mind that it's okay to eat healthy and stay at your height proportioned weight. That's taking care of your body that God gave you and there's nothing wrong with that. But let's aim even higher and set our sights on walking in truth, God's word. Let's stand on that more than a scale, dressing room floor, a "cool" but bad scene or Satan's pretty little lies of deception.

Let me leave you with a humorous reality check I was dealt, lovingly, a few nights ago. My sister and best friend is a realist to the max and I love that about her. She's always had a good head on her shoulders and heart in her chest. She knows how much I greatly desire the best for my family, but sometimes I get over exhausted in the perfection of spotless carpeting and sparkling dishes. So here's what she did: she rearranged Emma's doll house to reflect the humorous truth about a home.

Rather than sleeping babes, we have....

the toddler climbing out of the crib! Emma was doing this, mind you, at 15 months. Which is mind boggling because she didn't walk till almost two years old! I tell ya, that kid has some serious determination! Haha.

Oh look, the sweet little baby boy is washing the kitty in the toddler tub :)

The mother desperately trying to sleep before her 5 a.m. alarm clock goes off.......Not that this is at all exactly like me or anything! lol

The Daddy staying up late reading his nerd blogs and web pages, exploring new gadgets........very familiar lol. My favorite part about this photo though is that the doll Daddy is looking at Fisher Price girl clothing.

Improvement, I say!

And of course the dog is escaping.

And the puppy has found the dog food, readied to hork it down!

Lastly, and my favorite, the toddler is raiding the fridge (of course for GF foods lol).

______________________________________________________________

Thank you, Sarah, for a reality check. Your words are strong, but they are true. Often times I find myself wishing for the perfectly kept house, perfect body, perfect... one thing. But what I have in Christ is soo much more than anything else.

Cow Appreciation Day (48/365)

2011-07-08T10:14:00.000-04:00

Today at Chick-fil-a's nationwide you can get a free entree or meal for dressing like a cow (depending on your degree of cow dressing. Is that like salad dressing?).

We corralled the sick babies and plopped them in a grow with me dress creation (I hope it'll last for 12 years of free chicken. It's on year 2 already!) and took them out for breakfast. They barely ate, but there were some smiles and friendly chatter so it was totally worth it :) Plus I think the apple juice made their day :)

As for the Lord

2011-07-07T11:18:00.000-04:00

I just put two very sick feverish listless girls down for their first morning nap/rest since January. They requested it.

Bronwyn hasn't slept through the night since Saturday and ofcourse that means that Aeralind has been awoken every night too. Aeralind just caught the nasty bug last night while B has had it since Sunday.

I'm exhausted.

I want to whine.

I want sleep for at least 6 consecutive hours.

Derek posted the following verse on our mirror a few weeks back and this morning it showed up in my google reader in Ann's post.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossian 3:23-24

It's all I can do to cling to this verse as a grumpy feverish girl clings to me in the middle of the night.

To sigh, grateful (stifling frustration), that she wants nothing more than to be loved on by her momma.

To breathe in the scent of her dirty hair and know that in that quiet moment, I am serving Him.

Return of the Nebulizer (47/365)

2011-07-06T13:49:00.000-04:00

She's baaaaaack! Along with no sleep, a cranky baby, and this time a fever that just can't be kicked. We're hanging in here by grace alone.

Grinning Girls (46/365)

2011-07-04T13:45:00.003-04:00

45/365

2011-07-02T13:43:00.004-04:00

Derek spotted this little guy outside our window on Saturday. It cracked us both up. :)