31 May 2010

Reflecting

This week has been pretty tough.  The girls followed up last weeks mystery fevers with dripping noses.  They dealt with it fine, but shared the drip with me.  I was not appreciative. Not at all.  To top it all off, they've also gone a little crazy with naps: only napping 30 minutes to an hour most of the time and then being a crabby and needy all evening.  Short naps also mean that I have to start (and sometimes finish) bedtime routine all by myself before hubby is home.  That is hard work when I don't feel well. It's hard work when I do feel well.

But I think that the biggest reason that this week has been tough is that old attitude of entitlement has plagued me. I deserve to rest or be able to cook/clean while my girls nap, right?  I've earned some quality time sitting down each evening?  I'm entitled to do nothing while I feel poorly.  Why can't things go my way?

My focus is selfish.

But it's not about me, is it?

I'm just one small part of His-story.  A small mirror reflecting glory.

Except this week I did not reflect anything but me... and I'm not that glorious.  I'm really not that remarkable at all outside of Him and His love.  I wish I could catch that part in my daily vision.

I'm so frustrated with my self focus that I almost skipped writing this post.  But that would also be selfish.

If I am honest about my heart and I take the time to look back on this week to give (humble) thanks for the immeasurable grace given to me, then maybe I can do just a tiny bit of reflecting...

...just a tiny bit...

458. being able to attend the MoM Club meeting
459. catching up with Marcie
460. getting to know Amber and Jenn
461. wings and shrimp after the meeting with all these precious women
462. Watching Aeralind practice the movements for crawling Mon-Wed
463. Watching all that practice come together as she took off
464. Being honored with her first long crawling stretch (from the door, around the couch, and around the coffee table) ending right at my feet with a proud grin
465. Finally catching sneaky Bronwyn rocking on all fours
466. Laughing as Bronwyn plays keep away with a toy as Aeralind crawls all over her
467. My parents arriving safely.
468. Mexican in downtown G'ville
469. Two girls sleeping in a stroller
470. My dad making babies giggle
471. Mom sleeping on the couch, exhausted
472. Aeralind crawling on grass about 12 feet to greet a dog
473. The beauty of the flowers at falls park
474. Dad's cooking
475. The girls striped down to their diapers eating green beans, avocado, frozen blueberries, dad's butternut squash chunks and blackened salmon.
476. Wondering how Bronwyn managed to get one blueberry to stain the middle of her tush.
477. Bathing both girls.
478. My first "What's that brown stuff in the tub?" experience :)
479. The preview video for our summer sermon series the sluggard. Ouch.
480. A little ice cream and cake (for hubby) at Tamara's
481. Dancing with Aeralind in the Moby Wrap peering out.
482. Free Spicy Chick-fil-a sandwiches :)
483. Repentance... that is never turned away

holy experience

3 comments:

marnie said...

I quite literally had some of the same "entitlement" thoughts running through my head right before reading your post. Everyone in the house sick at the same time...including me. Thank you for the encouragement to think beyond myself.

Jules said...

Ugh! I am struggling with the same thing! Having twins is SO hard, I too find myself using those words: entitled, deserve, etc. It's such a hard place to find myself in. When I get like this I find myself turning to Exodus to read about the Israelites. I am reminded that God takes care of His people, and gives me just what I need, just as he did with the Israelites. I'm often humbled that I find myself grumbling, just like they did, amidst many blessings. What a blessing that we serve a patient God who forgives us time and time again when we feel like we "deserve" more.

kimberly said...

thanks for sharing your thoughts on the csection. being a mom is HARD, no matter how grateful we are for our kids. i think we need time to ourselves at some point, but as i enter the journey of multiples and toddler i wonder how i'll get that!