"Don't look at me!" I cry and reach awkwardly for the tissue box as the dam breaks.
Motherhood is lonely. Long hours. Little thanks. Constant comparison.
But worse still: the silence.
Women holding in their struggles because we're all so caught up in perfectionism: the appearance of all things good.
That appearance is enough to make us believe the lie: that we're alone- uncared for.
It's the lie we met at the beginning and believed: "Did God really say?" Is He withholding something from the that I need? Withholding care. Withholding friends. Withholding the prefect marriage and perfectly obedient children that everyone else appears to have. Is He withholding good things?
_________________________________________________
Two days later the tears have dried. The truth is slowly beating the lie.
Lacey stands before the room talking about Risk. About the risk of being vulnerable- of sharing reality.
The Risk of breaking that window of perfectionism so that we can see the beauty of Christ growing us refracted in the shards of our truly broken realities.
Counting #2334-2368 of the millions of Good Things God NEVER withholds.
- Grace for the moment
- Diane hugs
- Hormonal tears
- Hugs and snuggles when I pick the girls up from nursery
- Girls playing with and talking about a rubber "'nake" that grandma found at the lake
- Flower from Ruthie with a sweet encouraging note
- Complicated hairdo for Bronwyn to keep her hair from getting into her runny nose- so cute!
- A super supportive doula
- More applesauce canned
- Apple Cider from Purdue's
- Painted toes
- Still being able to reach my toes
- Laughing at girl antics
- Bronwyn blowing raspberries to demand I draw an elephant on her doodle pad
- Snuggling on the couch watching TV with Derek
- Listening to the harmonic from little lips
- Lacey challenging us ot Risk
- God's timing in my heart with her talk
- Praying for Julia when I felt the tug of the Holy Spirit
- Hearing her tell what struggle I prayed with her through
- Risking a little with Mandy. SO glad I did
- Heather over to play
- Girls and Ashton playing with cars
- Two girls insisting on playing in one crib after a nap
- Being informed we were going in our "seat" in the "gar" to the "bark" rather than the afternoon walk I had planned
- Joy in following their plans
- Grace from Derek after we drove a long way to a pumpkin festival and I was too weak and contract-y to walk the mile or so to the fair ground
- Girls young enough not to be disappointed by a giant pumpkin house. They didn't notice the difference between that an a field of pumpkins
- Free kids meals at IHOP after 4 :)
- Resting in bed an hour and a half after the rest of the house woke up
- Laughter as girls climbed all over daddy
- Laughing at little girl antics- running around with clear buckets on their heads
- Weakness
- Strength made perfect in weakness
- Apple Butter and cream cheese cookie sandwiches
- An extra day with Derek
- Aeralind bouncing in an inflatable at a festival- un-phased by kids two times her size knocking her over
- Little girls playing in a pool of bubbles
- Bronwyn listening when we told her that continuing to rub her eye would just get more soap in it.
- Aeralind holding sister's hand unprompted as Bronwyn blinks back soap tears in the car seat
No comments:
Post a Comment