Unanswered Prayer

It's no secret that I tote three kiddos around in the back of a Toyota Corolla.  Three carseats smashed in that back seat like sardines (two Radians and a Scenera... poor baby in the middle).  I love my Corolla, but it's just time for the mini-van. We were saving for it and praying for a van.

Late August Derek got in a wreck.  He barely bumped the truck in front of him at 10mph, but sent the truck's trailer hitch right though his headlight and into the radiator.  His 1999 Saturn was officially totaled a few days later.

We were committed to paying cash for our 'new' van and did not have nearly enough yet saved to purchase one even with the cash for his totaled car.  We asked his very generous parent if they could lend us their "child emergency fund" and we could pay them back come spring and our tax return.  They agreed and gave us a figure to shop for.

We had around $8000 total with his parent's loan and shopped in earnest.  Being that we want to drive the 'new' van into the ground, we wanted her to last a good long while.  We searched for as long as the insurance would let us keep a rental and then another 2 weeks I stayed at home while Derek took my car.  We were interested in a few vans (and one Chrysler Pacifica Touring wagon/crossover), but they either came not passing inspection or would/could not drop the price to be in our range.

All the mini-van doors were closing and, yet, we had peace.

Our small group leaders talked to their car hoarding father about parting with their Toyota Camry.  We purchased it a half week later for $500 less than the money received for the totaled Saturn.

We smiled at our still full emergency/saving account and had hope for purchasing a minivan in the spring.  Yet, we still wondered why our van prayers were unanswered.

A week later we closed on a refinance of the house.  We were bringing our interest rate WAY down and allowing ourselves to prepay an extra $200 a month toward being debt free.  We had thought the process would be mostly free for us, but because our home valued at less than we thought, we were required to pay enough to bring the debt down to less than 90% of our house value.  A $1000 dollars slipped out of our emergency savings toward being debt free.

Six weeks later, I elbowed Derek awake in the bed startled by a strange noise that sounded like a cross between a motorcycle and a cat in heat.  He popped out of bed and immediately started flipping breakers off.  Our air handler was having an issue.  We called an HVAC service company. It not worth it to repair it, we had to replace it.

All of the remaining money except $300 disappeared from our emergency savings account.

All of our van money.

Gone in an instant.

Yet, Derek and I were giddy like the kids at the beach.  We knew why we didn't own a van!  We knew that our God had prepared us financially for this emergency (lows the week of no-heat hovered around 52 degrees IN the house) by saying no to our van dream at that time.

The day the repair was complete Derek opened an envelope and pulled out a check.  He started laughing.

"What?" I said.
"We just got a check for over a grand." He replied.
I looked at him skeptically.  "You're kidding, right?"
"No.  Really."  He said between laughter.  "It's the leftovers from our old mortgage escrow account."

Our emergency fund (which we try never to let go below a grand) was restored above that point.

I don't own a van.  I still have three kids strapped across the back of a Sedan (though I'm currently driving the Camry so the kiddos have a wee bit more wiggle room).  I don't even have 1/2 of what we had had saved for the van.

No, but I have a God who provided for all our needs through a very strange set of circumstances and the faith to trust him more.  That's a pretty awesome trade-off, don't you think?

(Thanks here from our beach trip.  Written in a spare notebook... taken awhile to track down the graces)

4533-4566

• Sunrise 9 stories high on the beach
• Ham and eggs
• Sand and pools
• Aeralind jumping in the lazy river when I wasn't looking
• Giggles and singing with my girls in the lazy river
• Sleepy boy cuddles
• Shovels, buckets and a net in the condo
• Heading over to Huntington to see the birds and alligators
• Derek and I praying for an alligator to be close to shore and seeing one with the girls just as we left
• Bronwyn cautiously approaching the alligator "Mommy, I scary."
• More sand
• Sedryn lying over our sand pit and splashing when the waves filled it
• Just a few scrapes and bruises on me and not on Sedryn when I slid/fell into the kiddie pool
• Pineapple and hot chocolate with a sunset and all my family
• early bedtime for all
• Yummy breakfast
• Long beach walk
• Aerie walking behind me "I walk in Mommy's feet" (Footprints)
• Singing with Sedryn
• One good long nap for Sedryn finally on this trip
• Bronwyn and Aerie beggine for Kay Kay to ride with them
• Toddler girl wardrobe shopping in styles that fit their personalities
• Nerd shirt for Sedryn
• All 3 kids gleefully coming down the slide
• Sedryn waiting for daddy to push him down
• All of us exploring Anthropologie
• Little girls pouring over tons of books at Barnes and Nobles
• Ice Cream
• Quiet evening with Sedryn
• Sedryn fighting a nap and for once falling asleep on the bed with me.  Napping in a big boy bed.
• A new book that corresponds so sell with Ladies Bible Study
• Girls coming back with Halloween art masks and Necklaces and spiders and tales of feeding fish at the Papa's fish show at Bass Pro
• Everyone safely asleep

Song

He'd been screaming for over 45 minutes now.

Short story.
Missed Nap.
Exhausted Baby.
Cries mid 2nd nap.
Cry it out.
Oops.
Poopy diaper.
Still Screaming.
Even while Rocking,
bouncing,
and
shhing.

He was laying on my arm in a crumpled ball on the floor.  It was near the end of the girls rest time.  I didn't know what to do to make him stop screaming.

So I sang.

"My Jesus, I love thee. I know thou art mine..."

A long shuddering sigh.  Silence.  Little eyes flutter closed in rest.

Sometimes I wonder why God created music.  He didn't have to.  We could all speak in monotone... or even telepathically.

Sometimes I understand the pure beauty of music.

To change my heart...
and calm his.

4516. Finding Fairy land with the girls on a walk
4517. Girls pointing out with joy the fish in the creek at fairyland
4518. Being a two car family again
4519. Watching B Grow
4520. Karen's genuineness
4521. Little boy standing up and ravenously cleaning plates at the kid table while we all laugh
4522. My own selfishness always before me.
4523. "Roar (feed me)" An answer to a prayer.
4524. Nana over at my hosue for inpromptu lunch
452. Music
4526. Quiet evening alone after two rough cold days
4527. Bronwyn's tight neck hugs
4528. Our friend Abel's beautiful (hard) story
4529. How B says "Momma, there's a bird." and shows me a mocking bird puffed in the cold.
4530. Sedryn's "World's cutest alarm clock" onesie.  A truthful find at a consignment slae
4531. Quiet blessed days
4532. Spaghetti Squash.

Lower

The soreness comes on in the late afternoon.  Accompanied by chills, I begin to doubt that it's related to my workout the day before.  Sometimes I have have to be brought low to understand what's truly great.  

Low is where I belong.  Weak.  Helpless. Tired.

But God.

(oh, I love that phrase more and more each time I hear it!)

He became lower than me.  Took my form.  Lived my life and served everyone.  Dug into the hearts of others.  Cared more about them than himself.  And most of all: was obedient to death.  He died a death I deserved so that I could come to him.  Unashamed.

I forget this.  I cling to other things looking for value.  Cling to my to-do list.  Cling to my latest craft.  Cling to the opinions of others.

But my value is high in the eyes of Christ Jesus.  So high, I am privileged to serve low with him.  Those three little children.  That husband.  My friends.  Strangers at the store.

I start this week lower than usual.  Drag myself from the chair and head to bed early on a Sunday night.  Where I rest in bed and in my identity as the beloved.

4503. How I look for pretty stick shaped colored pencils and decide they're too pricey.  And how Carol had already purchased them for the girls in Ecador before I had even looked at them.
4504. How I watch a moth and spider battle it out on the web in my window
4505. How the girls wake every morning asking "Is it my party?"
4506. That we made them feel so special that they want to feel that way each day
4507. That our neighbor could watch Sedryn for our birthday date with the girls
4508. The girls enthusiasm for chopsticks
4509. A sweet little visit with my mom and sister
4510. The girls announcing their fear of the gibbons
4511. Sedryn's first tooth at just past 11 months
4512. Hearing him use the car ramp all by himself
4513. Those sweet wild beachy curls
4514. Using a gift to bless other ladies
4515. Nights of lack of sleep followed by just enough to catch up

Massive Catch Up Gift Counting

It's been almost a month since I've been able to post a Multitude Monday post.  It's mostly been because my Sunday night writing has been interrupted by the life of two night potty training toddlers.  I have been recording gifts!  I just haven't had a moment to type them up and share them with you.  So here they are!

4459-4502 reason to say "Thank you!" to my maker

• Catching Aeralind with hands over eyes after stealing some food from Sedryn's tray.  "If I can't see you, momma, then you can't see me."
• Quilt design board made
• How Aerie always takes apart my rotary cutter when I'm not looking
• How Sedryn grabs at my pant leg while I'm cooking so I'll smile and laugh at him
• Sleeping in
• Bronwyn's crazy laugh
• Sedryn following me around with little adoring smiles
• Inviting ourselves to Nana's farm
• How the girls' tell daddy- unprompted- how they would like to bring a kitty home
• How the girls are trustworthy enough that I can send them outside alone with firm boundaries
• Nana's joy at the girls playing with her toys
• Girls snuggling up to Nana with a Pooh book
• Nana saying "This is the most disjointed story I have read in a long time." about Pooh
• Talking about home school.  Her encouragement that I could do it well if I chose.
• Nana's tearful wish for a student at her little desk
• Such wonderful hugs
• Laughter about how everything fell into chaos at one time- ant bites, messes, Sedryn cracking open an egg, hunger, Sedryn heading for a fan
• How somehow during the chaos we managed not to burn the cookies
• 3 beautiful children sleeping on the way home
• Lydia and Sedryn playing so sweetly and ignoring the girls
• Tamara's visit
• Danielle and Jessica- how they so relate with laughter
• ballgown finsihed
• Fabric for dresses laid out
• Quilt on the design board
• Chanwey coming
• Kevin's steadfastness in arriving at the pool so I can't slack off
• Two blond head snuggled up to me as I'm sensitive to their need for space from their cousin
• Long talk after intense tantrum with Mariana over selfishness and how to love others with space and actions
• Stretching me to hear her needs and balance my girls
• Two blondies in a bubble bath processing their cousin's visit through play
• Praying hard to plant seeds
• Grace not to yell even when she yells at me
• Knowing where her heart is
• 2nd  or 3rd physical journal filled with gratitude to the maker of it all
• My husband making everything possible and holding me when it is hard
• The way Mariana started asking before unbuckling Sedryn
• Karen coming to the rescue with her van
• Two little girls reading stories with me at wake up- soaking in having me to themselves
• Good conversations with Sarah on growing Mariana
• Prayers for us to plant seeds
• Bronwyn's exuberant reply to "Who loves you?" with "Ben & Jay!" when she normally says daddy
• Sedryn clapping his face for laughs
• Naptime
• A couple good nights sleep
• The prayer jar
• My own growth
• Aerie's grumpiness after nap
• Quiet evening with my girils while Derek takes Mariana to the pool
• Unprompted "I love you!" from my sweet Aerie
• Lost purse resulting in a good bit of laughter filled quiet time with Karen
• Playing dollies with two beautiful girls
• Bronwyn requesting "Rosies"
• The way Sedryn must play with his feet (preferably on my bare skin) while nursing
• Roaring and laughing and chasing all three around the room
• Most fun 3 year old birthday party ever 
• Generosity of Becca letting us play in her yard
• The magic of Daylin helping and playing pin the tail on Eeyore for the first time
• Brady and Derek and Daniel having a water fight
• Girls new room half painted
• Bronwyn requesting snow after seeing her baby photo of her playing in the snow
• Blowing up Ivory in the microwave to make it happen
• How Bronwyn played with the ivory flakes for a long time and helps me make bath paint
• Girls tucked on the couch with owl towels
• Feeding Daddy popcorn
• Open mouth kiss from Sedryn--> right on my nose
• Taking the girls dancing and watching them squeal as they ran around the dancers
• Leading a table at Mops- excited to get to know these girls
• Little girls laughing as one of their dolls from their dollhouse directed them on where to put their furniture

Quilting

I've cut to the quick with words.
Cut the fabric of people to misshapen bits.
My own life, too.

Oh, but God!

He takes those pieces realigns them.
Creates in us new things.
Carefully jutting edges.
Easing seams.

Doing this all the while
Unrecognized by me
A new thing of beauty
A quilt of His restoration.

3440-4458  Moments of restoration

• A & B gleefully sliding down into their pool face first
• Sedryn sitting up regularly to investigate toys and watch his sisters
• Avocados and Salmon salad
• Pretty bits of fabric
• Sharing that the gospel rescues from fear and condemnation with a friend
• Many coming over to watch the girls last minute
• An hour alone with Sedryn at the Dr.'s
• Little boy sitting up and crawling like a big boy
• Finding Mandy and the girls playing with baking soda vinegar and food color
• A Mandy hug
• Hard decisions
• Early bedtime
• How I look outside to see two naked girls sliding into their pool
• When I pray a "silly" prayer about rearranging Sedryn's nap ending potty schedule- God answers immediately- Oh, how He cares for the little things
• Sedryn pushing the big ball and crawl-chasing after it
• Seeing teh girls sit down for their tea party, hold hands, and pray "Dear Jesus, dear jesus. AMEN!"
• How we decide to watch a movie over going fishing and when the movie is over at bedtime- Aeralind says sweetly, "We go fishing now?"
• How Bronwyn says "Here you go, honey." to tell me there was a tortilla to cook- echoing what daddy had said moments before.

Refreshed

I drop frozen meat and the crock pot on the counter.  Purposefully, I leave my husband with the canning jars.  It's 7:00 am and these things can wait.

I skip downstairs to the best book I'll read all day and a bit of quiet conversation with the One who made me.

Refreshed, I head back up to start my day.

3410-3439

• White moth fluttering at the window
• Encouragement from Julia
• Sleep
• Boy splashing in the tub alone
• Those baby curls
• Bronwyn showing reading readiness
• Aeralind's pretend world
• Bronwyn loving Mr. Eric's music with her whole body, dancing, clapping, and singing to the top of her lungs
• Aeralinds reserved enjoyment
• Long afternoons at the pool with gramma and granpa
• A night of restful babysitting at Joni's
• Tortilla Sunday lunch tradition beginning
• A few good talks with Derek
• End of the a busy season
• Sedryn crawling around with that pizza crust dangling from his mouth
• A & B constantly singing "The B-i-b-l-e"
• Clothes baskets and boxes becoming everything from cribs to freezers to reading nooks without my intervention
• Putting up the fourth bedroom wall
• Paint colors
• Bunk planning
• A hard work project
• Days filled with good work
• Bronwyn and Sedryn playing together laughing with the zany zoo
• How much Aeralind is like me
• Quiet mornings with the Lord
• First night in 4 weeks where Sedryn did not wake until 6
• Bronwyn snuggling with Joni when we left for our date
• Aeralind being silly by herself
• Good talks with Derek
• Transparency in our small group leaders asking for critique and suggesttions

Current of Grace

Slightly past 6 on Friday night, I erupt like a volcano.

The seventh potty accident of the day is nestled smelly in the bottom of a her swimsuit.  One of the girls had been yelling no at me all day.  The baby had refused to nurse his dinner. And Derek and I... well, we're just not in a good place right now (selfishness, I admit it).

Oh, but the chaos there it's not the problem.  It's just the symptom.  The symptom of my own heart problems.

And growth springs only from chaos, from loosing control so that we can acknowledge the One who truly is in control.

I remember it while Sedryn is in the kitchen pulling open drawers while the girls beg lunch to be made faster.

I remember how Bronwyn was scared of the river current.  She stood at the edge of the current wanting the fun that Aeralind was having.  She even sat down a few times.  Always far from the current.

Aeralind threw herself in with abandon.  Careening toward the waiting arms of our friend Abel.  Squealing and kicking joyfully while the current carried her.


But Bronwyn wouldn't throw herself to the current.  She wanted the fun.  But she wanted control of the situation more.  Daddy stood with her as she eased herself once again to the currents edge.  He created just a little chaos with a tiny push toward the current.  Bronwyn scared and off balance falls right into the current. She looses control.  Abel helps her out and the next thing we all know she'd jumped right back in to swim the current again.  A giant smile on her face.

I have goosebumps now recounting the memory.  Oh, to throw myself to the current of God's mercy and grace and swim wherever He leads.  Knowing that when I am weak, He will strongly carry me forward if I just lean back into the current.

Thankfulness 3395-3409

• Cold hands on my toes as I cook dinner
• Boy tickled with himself over making noise
• Girls sliding into a bubble pool
• Spontaneous decision to head out to see Jenn and Abel on the 4th
• All the grown-ups surprised when the 2 year olds put the correct color coded pieces on the puzzle pegs
• Bronwyn throwing a tantrum because she cannot draw an A or B
• Feeding Sedryn Gelato
• Quiet time to pour out my heart with Jenn
• Watching the girls cautiously approach the river
• Bronwyn exercising her potty-ing in the woods skill
• Usually fearful Aeralind throwing herself in the river current after Abel showed her how
• Brownyn cautiously approaching the current over the course of 20 minutes and then daddy giving her the gentle nudge to get her started
• How she jumped right back in
• Able's hair
• Long holiday recovery naps from all three kiddos

Quieted

I've not much to say right now.

My body is weak as I fight off a dozy of a GI infection or virus.

My mind is working over so many different things and trying to make real words of them.

My spirit is just so convicted; so ready to grow and soar.

Just a few gift to share with you in the quiet:

3387. How I'm able to finish a difficult curved seam before my bobbin empties
3388. 8 month old Sedryn coming out on top of the stomach bug
3389. The way Bronwyn says "womper" and just love to wear her now almost too short romper
3390. Becky having a double electric pump I could have during this nursing strike
3391. Setting up twin mattresses on the floor for the girls and taking down their cribs
3392. Spray painting a star chandelier pink at the girls' request
3393. Air Conditioner
3394. How when we go to install the light, run into problems, leave the breaker flipped off for 3 days, and discover our accidentally defrosted chest freezer: we find there was hardly anything in there but bird food

Loving the Giver

The Summer Days are passing quickly now.  Trips to the pool.  Visits at friend's houses with sprinklers.  Late nights full of light.  Illness.  A baby who thinks he's hysterical. Toddler girls climbing 6+ feet in a tree (does that make them preschoolers?  They're still not 3 yet!)

And yet, still, I feel a void.  A void perhaps filled to the brim with the gifts but often empty of the Giver.

Isn't that how it goes sometimes?  We get so caught up in living in the blessing, that we forget the Giver.

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.  For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.  For his invisible attributes, namely, his eteranl power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.  So they are without excuse.  For although they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Claiming ot be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for image resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Romans 1:18-22 (emphasis mine) 

Just feeling the need for so much growth in this area right now.   Of loving the Giver more than the gift.

3378. Pool Night with the girls
3379. Teaching the girls to put their legs all the way back and reach and pull
3380 Aeralind's fearless step jumping
3381. Derek's patience with me and teeathing sick Sedryn
3382. Cuddling late with a feverish Bronwyn
3383. Seeing Colleen after 6 years
3384. Colleen laughing and saying I was the same Missy "crazy and with giant hand gestures."
3385. Squeals at the sprinklers
3386. Fun morning in Karen's yard

Natural Consequences

Bronwyn asks to have her Puddle Jumper taken off.  She's been in the water awhile and is shivery.  I agree.

I cup her little face in my hands.  "Bronwyn, do not get in the water without this.  Come ask momma for crab back if you want to swim again."

She nods happily. 

Seconds later I spot her little body under water right off the last step she can touch.  I splash my way to her. Lift her up.

She snuggles right in, crying.

"Momma, I disobeyed!"

For a moment, a natural consequence softens her heart and immerses her in grace.  And she's changed.  

Gifts of Grace from God last week (3368-3377)

• How I had all three children with me when I locked us all outside
• How Derek was able to come let us back inside
• A little nook big enough to keep us out of the rain while we waited
• Being able to serve another Mom
• Sedryn sleeping long after I had cried on Mandy about being lost and him falling asleep in the car
• Date night after a hard day
• Morning swim buddy
• Another joyful congratulations hug
• Catching up with Mandy
• Aeralind walking around the corner after daddy asked to get dressed wearing only mismatched socks and a big grin

Are you okay?

THUD
CRASH
CLUNK

(common noises at my house)

Aeralind: Are you okay, Bonwyn?
Bronwyn: I okay.  I bonked.

SQUEAL
LAUGH
SHRIEK

Aeralind: Momma, I don't feel well.
Me: Oh? Where do you hurt?
Aeralind: I hurt on Bonwyn.
Me: Really?!


I think they're growing up too fast.  Oh, but I love that growing sense of compassion in Aeralind; it balances me out nicely :)

Counting 3354-3367 good gifts.

• This boy laughing hysterically at himself every time I turn around
• How Bronwyn says "Aww, man!" When she has a potty accident
• How they play "nap" and say bedtime prayers
• How Aerie lights up with glee when I toss a blanket over her play house to dry
• How Aerie dips her eggs in spicy brown mustard
• How Sedryn lifts his head and smiles at me after each nap
• Hearing Derek mention how much he wants to maximize his time with the girls in the evening
• Spontaneous fishing trip
• Pure delight at casting and reeling in those silly rubber fish
• Kin man who fished out the dropped pole
• Hearing Bronwyn repeat "Right away, all the way, and with a happy heart" while defining obedience.
• Sunday editing photos night
• New to us desk with my own computer and room for my sewing machine
• Plans developing for a pirate big girl room

"Princess shoes" and other good gifts

#3344-3353

• Becca's prayers
• Chanwey's amazement at my girls' independence/climbing abilities
• Seeing Shiloh give a ladder climb a try
• Just enjoying newborn photography
• Coming to terms that I still can't photograph regularly yet
• Girls cleaning the exersaucer
• 20 minutes- just 20 stressful minutes before all the stressful meltdowns are over and everyone is taking a nap
• Hearing a concerned B ask a crying A "What happened?"
• Aeralind's determined independence
• Princess shoes
• Daddy-daughter dancing

Multitude Thursday?!

I'm in another warp speed season of life.  Let's recount the basics for you:

Derek has a new job (wahoo!)
Memorial day weekend brought a visit from my parents (double wahoo!)
Tuesday Loving the Little Years book study at the pool (conviction... conviction... repentance... change)
Getting to hang out with Becca once a week at the pool (ahhhhh... revival of mentorship)
Eating out with Chanwey (what grace... what blessing to have a friendship which never would have occurred had it not been for both of us pregnant with twin girls at the same time!)
Sunburn.... lots of sunburn (for me... NOT my mostly native American skinned daughters!)
Sedryn moving (a lot... not crawling... but I'm going to have to set up the camera and do a time lapse photo series just so you can see it.  He gets around!)

This season is just so full of blessing and grace that I can hardly contain it all.

But aren't all seasons like that?  It's just some grace is harder to see from our perspective.

3301-3334

• Pool dates with Becca
• Introvert MNO
• Getting to know some of the MOPS moms
• Taking the girls for free ice cream
• Their super excited faces
• Photographing Skye
• Susanne's quiet investment of wisdom in me- pointing out my sin
• Seven independent toddler/preschoolers at the pool: gotta love those puddle jumpers!
• hard truth
• Being able to adapt to serve others
• My fear of man coming once more to surface
• Aeralind calling her "My Karen"
• Cheerios inside the onesie season returning
• Strong boy scooting on all fours
• Those curly headed smiles
• Rearranging the kitchen so the girls can set the table and put away dishes
• Speaking to Julia to verbally process sin
• Hard things in front of me
• How Aerie wears her goggles around the house
• Putting the art supplies (the less dangerous ones) on the girls' level
• Sedryn laughing hysterically at me scaring the wits out of him
• a contingent job offer 2 days before Derek's job ended
• Sharing our anxious spots at SG
• How excited the girls are to help
• Girls picking dandelion bouquets from the yard
• Thunder showers
• Sunflowers taller than the girls
• The quiet hum of the sewing machine
• Silly stories and silly things the girls say
• Adapting to the boy's early rising schedule
• Quick editing for Skye's session
• Monkey and Monster Jammies that I practically have to peel off the girls
• Good visit with my parents
• Girls saying "Grams" and "Grandpa"
• Dad's cooking
• Seafood stuffing (and some for the freezer!)
• Early bedtime
• Balloons
• Sedryn gobbling down pancakes
• Hard days.  Hard lessons.
• First trip to an ambulance being over a silly splinter

Little Blessings

He peers around his Momma's shoulder and whispers shyly: "There's a baby in Mommy's tummy!"

It's mere seconds before I crush all three of them in a hug.  I'm overjoyed.

I can't believe the miracle that God is growing in the quiet places inside this dear friend.

And best of all, this is the second announcement I've enjoyed this week.

Two new lives welling up.  Two immeasurable blessings.

I don't know about you, but I struggle with my own blessings.

Let's be honest: Only one of our children was planned (whichever child kicked the other twin out of her egg).

Each day I sin against them.  They sin against me.  They sin against each other.

At 4:30 that same day, we all wrestle over a dumb doll stroller.  My first reaction is to sell the stroller on Craigslist; Can't they see I'm busy making dinner for them, busy serving them, and, by golly, can't they just let me have a moment to get this done?!

I'm lucky this time.  The sin stays in the heart.  The tongue is quiet.  Because of that Mommy with a baby in her tummy and how she walks with me.  Because of that book and the chapter on watching our words.  Because Jesus reigned in my heart for just this one instant.

I sit down and debrief them.  "Did you break fellowship with your sister over a stroller?" "Is your sister more important than the stroller?"  "How do you think we should play with the stroller together?"

I wonder:  Am I teaching them this life lesson on relationships and negotiations or are they teaching me?  Is dinner more important or is our relationship more important?

These blessings, they're not here to make us happy.  No, they're here to grow us into stronger joy.  And joy, it's wrought through suffering, through growing pains, through labor.

New little blessings, I can't wait to meet you.  I can't wait to see how God uses you to grow your mommas.

# 3261-3277 of the little blessings He gives each week

• How Derek went looking for a grey onesie on his lunch break for my photo series
• How Bronwyn walks around in 1 dress up heel and one Mary Jane and no panties in her swim top
• How Bronwyn hung out with the older boys as if she belonged with them
• How Aerie and Sullivan played with playdough and cleaned it all up
• Really getting to know Chelsea
• Bronwyn standing in the yard hosing off all the big kids
• laughing over the futility of cleaning up toys
• The toad in the garden
• How somehow the girls managed to tell Sullivan about the toad and the cat!  The girls really can tell stories and communicate with others!
• No poop accidents today
• My girls convincing Adyson to romp in the backyard naked with hem (and even to use the potty later for a marshmallow) 
• Laughing with Joni
• Heart chat with Mandy in the parking lot
• Tossing the girls in the swimming pool
• Hanging out with SG during our outside worship service
• Hearing those shy little words announcing a secret
• Talking hearts with Julia
• Growth

The Sweet Life

We all want to live

The Sweet Life.

Cushy

Easy

Noteworthy

Oh, dear friend,

The Sweet Life

is 

so much

MORE.

Dirt under finger nails

Suffering in the path

Pretty petals torn to bits

So that we can taste

The Sweet Life

Counting 3241-3260 gifts in this hard long but, oh, so sweet life.

• How there are spoons and forks in my laundry room which is on a different floor than the kitchen: only in this season of life.
• Aeralind's running commentary on all things related to her. "I go poop!" "I climming." I eating" "I take it." "oh, no! Hat!"
• How they're caring so well for the gardens
• Conviction over manipulation
• A good long morning nap for the boy
• Peas flowering
• Tomatoes ripening on the vine
• Visit from Aunt Kay Kay
• Backyard naked artists painting themselves
• Conversations with an ardent feminist over Biblical submission
• Aeralind dressing herself
• 2nd Moleskin almost full of thanks
• 6.99 pool from last year even more fun this year
• the sweet smell (and taste) of honeysuckle
• 2 less bottoms in diapers to change- even with all the accidents
• Aerie saying "Tut, tut! It looks like rain!" while spying an umbrella.
• Crazy morning
• Boy smiling in the crook of my arm
• Dealing with my own anger

Because He has Made me His Own

Yesterday, I had another epic correction session with this beautiful mess.

I sat there holding her gently tight, rocking, and whispering "I love you.  I'm not hurting you. I love you enough to deal with your heart.  I love you. I love you. I love you."  Meanwhile she flailed, screamed, writhed, wiggled, screamed some more and chanted: "Hurt me! Hurt me!  Momma! Hurt me!"

I was sitting in a warm puddle of pee that she'd let loose at the beginning of this tantrum.

For thirty minutes I sat in that pee, I rocked her, and I waited for her to wear herself out.  To come to the end of herself.  To accept that the correction in store for her was what she needed.

Midway through that session, while refuse dried sticky on my legs, I just began to weep.


How many times have I screamed, cried, and rejected the good gifts that Christ gives me because they weren't gifts that I wanted?

Like my children, I want candy rather than meat and veggies.  Like my children, I want things easy and my way rather than slogging through my own sin during a bit of suffering (such miniscule suffering at that!).

How much Jesus loves me!  To stretch His arms around me and whisper "I love you" while I flail and scream and pee all over His good gifts, His good love.

Sometimes disciplining these little hearts is way more about correcting our own hearts than theirs.


Counting 3214-3240 gift He gives because I am His: regardless of my sinful or joyful reactions

• a glorious rain to help freshly girl-planted Lima beans grow
• Quiet morning with Sedryn and Derek
• how they're learning names and occasionally call us "Derek and Bee-lissa!"
• Taking Bronwyn out on a date
• The proud way she handed over her coupon for ice cream and said please
• Her delighted "Tank you!"
• How she asked to sit in my lap to eat it
• How she protected a mint in her pocket for Aeralind all the way home
• Sharing the motherhood journey with Julia
• Tears
• Encouragement
• Long chat with Karen
• Loving the Little Years
• How proud Aerie was of watering the garden
• Gifts
• A looong long morning of disciplining
• Shepherding Group that night
• Rachel telling me how happy the girls made her with hugs and no-crying while she watched the SG kids
• How much I needed to hear that they could behave well
• Fun dino bibs
• Just doing life with Karen at TJ Maxx
• Finally going to a SG and really loving it
• Sedryn eating a grahm cracker stick
• How Aerie asks Daddy every night to "Climb Tah-rees!"
• Buying the girls giant water bottles the day before we decided to potty train Aeralind
• Derek making the remainder of the Pooh diapers disappear so she would be willing to train
• Encouraging Becky
• Laughter
• Growth
• Long discipline battles with B that show me my own sin
• Chatting with Carol
• Hearing Mandy share her hear
• Crock-pot smells all over the house
• Quiet early mornings with the little guy
• Mandy getting Sedryn's first laugh
• Derek's cocky little smile when he said he felt good about this interview
• Dr. Whitehead's Pooh tie enthralling the girls

Spontaneous Vacation

Sometimes a little spontaneity is a great thing.  Sunday night we talked about taking the girls to an aquarium while Derek had four days off work.  Monday morning we packed everybody up and took a two night stay in Gatlinburg.  I think we were actually packed up before we had a place to stay! 

We stayed in a two bedroom condo that I took a picture of while riding the Ober Gatlinburg tram.  I think spontaneous agenda free trips are the best way to travel with toddlers.  I can't wait until we do it again!

#3166- 3213 Blessings that I feel to small to hold!

• Packing everybody up for a trip we planned less than 10 hours earlier
• Aerlaind snoring on the ride up
• Bronwyn doing preety well on no nap
• Sedry sleeping in the car
• mountain views
• Kids eat free!
• Girls hopping on a swing
• Veggietales and cuddles
• Girls managing ot sleep together in the Queen rather well
• closet nook in our bedrom for Sedryn's PnP
• Sunrise
• Non-stick pans for the gril who forgot to pack oil
• Pancake mix from Mandy
• Girls bok-ing like chickens at the plates
• Pancakes and fruit
• Awe on little faces as sharks swam overhead
• Excitement over peguins
• Aerie standing right over the blowhole as it randomly squirted air
• Carrying Bronwyn, Walking-bruise, in my Ergo after another fall
• Rest time
• Hearing girls squeal endlessly as they ran back and forth over the hanging bridge at NOC
• First vacation at an age when the kids did not care if we drove aimlessly for an hour looking for something to do
• Bronwyn pooping in the potty in the condo!
• Handmade chocolates
• 25 cent merry-go-round
• Anticipation over the "choo-choo": the Ober Gatlinburg tram
• Aerie sitting on her daddy's lap squealing "Whoa!!!" at each tram support
• Bronwyn puking outside and while wearing a raincoat after daddy spun her too hard on a tire swing: easy clean-up!
• Stopping to romp at a park with Auntie Jenn
• Bronwyn squealing as Zoe licked her hand
• Snatches of hearts shared
• Sedryn sleeping in my arms
• Driving straight to shepherding group
• Laughing so hard I snorted candy into my nose when our supposed-to-be-sleeping girls turned on a blaring stereo!
• Sharing in small group
• Hearing others share at MOPS
• the gospel
• Eye doctor appointment
• cute new eyeglasses being made
• No more old eyeglasses headache!
• new haircut
• the way Aerie says "No. I do it!"
• Laughter when we asked Bronwyn if she needed help and her saying "Yes, I do need help!" and continuing with her fit rather than saying "Help, please!"
• Strawberry covered faces
• Date day with the girls
• Them trying on shirts in the changing room
• Sharing a lunch outside with just the girls
• Derek getting S on a good nap schedule
• Sedryn sleeping from 8-5:45!!! Best stretch of sleep I've had since he was conceived!

Saying Grace

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.”
― G.K. Chesterton

Oh, all these beautiful graces too numerous to count.  But I'll keep trying.

#3131- 3165 of the innumerable graces I count

• Re-listening to the Total Marriage Fitness Series
• Date night with Derek
• Finishing this Top
• MOPS play date fun
• Mom arriving just as I got very sick from a meal
• Little girls trying on shoes with grandma for 45 minutes
• Lots of fun new play dough toys
• B keeping up with all the 7+ year old kids at the farm
• Gratitude journal flapping in the breeze
• Sunday coming!
• First real leaves on seedlings
• Hollyhocks transplanting well
• Perfect farm weather
• Toddler girls bringing eggs from the hen house for the first time
• Mandy holding a dog for Bronwyn while she tells the do "NO EAT ME!!!"
• Aeralind running in barefoot and screaming about her feet and us treating her for ant bites
• The kids telling us that she actually walked over a live electric fence wire
• Little girl not hurt badly at all
• Bronwyn snuggling with Grandma
• Aeralind sitting on Jonathon's lap
• Laughter over Larry dumping the hayride trailer
• No one hurt
• Rest
• Being able to serve
• Jo's Banana pudding!  YUM YUM!
• Mom enjoying the farm
• Exhausted girls falling asleep before we even got off Carol's street
• Finding Aeralind's tick first thing in the morning
• Her being still as I gently tugged him loose
• Baby boy playing with his pacifier
• First taste of puffs
• Cheeks full of food
• Weary bodies
• Derek taking the girls to a park while I rest and heal up a bit
• Nursling playing with my hair

Spring Blessings

Life is just flying by right now.  Maybe it's the warm air.  Maybe it's the happy toddlers.  Maybe it's just crazy spring.

But we're loving it!  Soaking every moment up to the fullest like the thirsty earth with the afternoon thunderstorms.

I can't express to you how blessed we all feel right now.

#3112-3130 gifts that I'm stealing a precious moment to type down on a gorgeous early morning.

• Garden green and growing in the backyard
• Sunflowers coming up in the girls sunflower fort
• 4 year old wildflower mix sprouting in a clearing in the front yard
• visit from Ken and Jen and Gary
• Aeralind claiming Kent as hers
• Gary teaching Bronwyn to fist bump
• Bronwyn laughing hysterically while fist bumping and pottying
• B grabbing some stranger's behind in the restaurant
• Resume forwarded at a local college
• Aeralind squealing "All done!" when she finished eating and hopping down from her chair and running frantically down the aisle at the restaurant
• Kent chasing after her laughing
• Answered prayers for Jen
• Laughing at Derek in church
• The crazy what this relationship formed
• Skype hide and seek with Aunt Kay Kay (whose name sounds like Aunt Cupcake from the girls!)
• Dad pretend eating a banana on Skpe
• An afternoon of rest
• Faces of fear changing into excited faces saying "God's jumping! each time it thunders.
• Sedryn not eating until 7-8:30 most of this week

Just a short list

My husband upgraded/rebuilt our computer which means I had to wait a few days here to get PSE9 up and running again!  So just posting a quick list of thanks from last week today.

My brain's too crazy to add more text... working on a different text piece for 'real life' right now :)

Here's 3087-3111 gifts that God has given me for you to savor with me.

• Crazy days all blending together
• The powerful prayers of my LBS group
• Strong boy rolling over
• Karen
• Vacuuming with Karen
• Girls new crushes on Ben and Jay
• Another interview/another denial/ more opportunity for walking by faith
• Aerie saying "I read Hickory Dickory Dock!"
• Bronwyn jumping over the sunflower fort ditch I was digging
• Realization that my sweet toddlers are turning into little girls
• the right attitude of grace held on a night with little sleep and the following day
• loosing my temper over lost shoes
• the girls accepting my humble apology
• spa night
• ladies laughing at my quirkiness
• loving on the Score kids through a field day
• Girls that was somewhat tough to deal with saying "This was the best sport day ever."
• Boy Score kids rolling over my meager classroom management skills
• Tutors laughing as I scrap everything and let the boys run wild
• Late night birthday call to dad
• Easy dinner
• Running outside in a downpour to remove diapers from the line. 
• Smiley face in the bar of soap
• Derek upgrading/rebuilding the computer 
• Getting PSE up and running again!